


To Mend a Heart

by Madkat89



Series: Dwarven Hearts [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bilbo Baggins Destroys the One Ring, Dwarf & Hobbit Cultural Differences, Dwarven Ones | Soulmates, F/M, Female Bilbo Baggins, Fluff and Angst, Hobbits in Erebor, Post-Battle of Five Armies, The One Ring is Bad News, fem!Bilbo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23082550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madkat89/pseuds/Madkat89
Summary: Heartbroken at being exiled, Bella leaves to destroy the One Ring. However, her heart is not the only one broken that day. When she returns to Erebor, will she be able to pick up the pieces or are some things simply too broken to fix
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Bofur
Series: Dwarven Hearts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118090
Comments: 91
Kudos: 310





	1. Prologue - Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for not posting for a bit, life has been crazy, will add more to my other stories soon, I promise.

She cut her way through the battle without stopping, betrayal, heartbreak, and rage spurring her on. She took no notice of the various scrapes and bruises she accumulated, had no care for her life at all. She was praying to met her end on the battle field this day, but not before she took as many orcs, goblins, and wargs with her as she could. Her heart howled as she fought. They had thrown her out, abandoned her, after all she had done to find them a home, after all she had done to save them. They had taken her heart and crushed it under there booted heels, taken everything that she was, everything that she had given them, and acted as if it were nothing more than a cheap piece of tin.

As she had stared at all of them on the battlements, she had searched for one sign, one tiny, small sign, that any of them cared at all, even if it was currently buried under gold sickness. But all that had met her gaze was cruel indifference and hot anger. And so she had left, everything that made her her ashes at their feet. She didn't know what she would do if there hadn't been the battle, but there was and so she threw herself into the fray, praying that she would wake up in Yavanna's gardens and that all the pain would be over.

But even though they'd abandoned her, a Baggins never abandoned their family, so she fought by their sides, often wearing her ring, but sometimes not. She had followed Thorin and them to Ravenhill. And when Azog had threatened Fili, her laughing golden prince that reminded her of nothing so much as her Took cousins, she slew the defiler herself, with the tiny letter opener that they had all mocked. She had jumped and thrust it into his eye, driving it in deep and killing him instantly. She had seen Fili's shock and surprise, but she had whirled away before he could speak, donning the ring as she ran.

She ran right to where Kili and his elf had run into trouble with Bolg. Viciously hamstringing him, she slit his throat before he could hurt the laughing prince, the one who had brought the most cheer to the company besides the miner that had been so dear to her heart. She had ignored Kili's surprised shout as well and kept moving. The two greatest enemies were dead, the armies should hopefully start scattering, but there were always more enemies to slay.

But by the time the battle ended, Bella found herself still standing, still alive. She wanted to rage, to weep bitterly, but knew that Yavanna would not be pleased if Bella rejected her mercy. However, she had learned something during the fight, something that the ring had not wanted her to know but it had overplayed it's hand and revealed to her that it was the one ring.

However, the ring didn't realize that she was sick of gold and power and all the madness that came with it. Firmly entrenched in her desire to destroy the wicked thing, she made her way off the battlefield and headed towards Mordor. She could destroy the ring and then figure out what to do with the rest of her life or not. The mountain had been reclaimed, her contract fulfilled, there was no reason for her to remain anymore. No reason to return to the Shire either. Maybe after she had destroyed the ring, she would take the opportunity to see more of the world. If the destruction of the ring didn't kill her first, of course.


	2. A Ghost

Seven months had passed since the battle of the five armies. There were signs that the worst of the winter had passed and that spring would start making it's way back to Erebor and Dale soon. It was on a day that was almost pleasant when a cloaked figure approached Erebor They were small in stature, enough to easily pass for a dwarf. However, instead of entering the mountain, they approached the guard gate and asked for Nori.

The guard nodded graciously enough, having becoming used to odd people coming to speak to Erebor's spymaster of the past few months. They swiftly dispatched a runner and then invited the individual to rest in the guard room. However, the cloaked person merely shook their head and found a comfortable boulder to rest on while waiting for the spymaster.

A good hour passed before a dwarf made his way to the gates, where the guards then directed him to the small figure sitting motionlessly on the boulder. The dwarf made his way over to the cloaked person and cleared his throat to gain their attention. When they turned and looked at him, although he couldn't be sure because the hood of their cloak was so deep, he bowed and said, "Nori, at your service. You needed to speak with me."

The person shook their head and spoke, their voice so raspy that it was impossible to tell if they were male or female. "You're not Nori. Either return to the mountain and send him out or tell me that he is returned to stone and I will leave. But do not seek to deceive me again."

Rather nonplussed, the dwarf bowed again and headed back into the mountain while the cloaked figure resumed their watchful pose.

* * *

A rap on his study door made Nori swear under his breath, but he called for the person to enter anyway. His eyes needed a break from all the infernal paperwork and reports anyway. He would've turned down spy master in a heart beat if he'd known how much paperwork accompanied the position. To his surprise, Dor, one of his brighter recruits, slipped into the room. The younger dwarf looked baffled and ill at ease, something that made Nori tense. Leaning back into his chair and affecting a pose of nonchalance, Nori said simply, "Report."

"There's a person at the gate asking to speak with you, sir. I went down like we've discussed, only to find that they have refused to even enter the mountain. They're just sitting outside, covered entirely in a rather tattered cloak. I introduced myself as you and asked what they needed to speak to me about. Their voice was terribly raspy, couldn't tell if it was a dwarf or a dam, but they seemed to know instantly that I wasn't you. Told me to either come and fetch you or tell them if you had died and they would leave. They warned me not to try deceiving them again."

This intrigued Nori as little had since the disastrous battle so many months before. He didn't know of any informants that would be coming to speak with him, but it was possible that someone had learned something delicate and needed to speak with him personally. Rising, he told Dor, "I'll see to this one myself. Go ahead and go about your duties, lad. You did well enough, today. Next time though, consider the hair mayhap?"

Dor nodded and scurried gratefully from the room. Eager to get away from both the paperwork and the dark thoughts that dogged his mind, Nori quickly made his way down to the gate. He spoke briefly with the guards there before making his way over to where the cloaked person was sitting motionless with an air of watchfulness. Clearing his throat, he smiled cheerfully when the hood swung his way. He bowed jauntily, "I was just informed that you wish to speak with me, I apologize for my students. They try to keep the burden from overwhelming me and can overstep boundaries sometimes. May I ask why you have chosen to remain outside of Erebor?"

Thin hands reached up and pushed back the hood, revealing curls and pointed ears. She offered him a tired smile and said, "I was banished, remember? I wouldn't have returned, but I need some help. I was hoping that you might be willing to help me out a bit for old time's sake, but if not, let me know and I will try Dale instead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will get longer, having trouble finding places to break the story apart :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The company finds out that their beloved hobbit lass is in fact, after all, not dead.

All of the color drained from Nori's face and he sank to his knees. He reached out but stopped just shy of actually touching her, his features a mix of wonder and disbelief. Clearing her throat, it ached at being used after months of silence, she asked, "Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?"

He rasped, "We thought you dead, in the battle, although we could never find your body afterwards." Gathering up his courage, he reached out and laid his hand gently on her shoulder, only to jerk it back like it had been burned when he encountered actual flesh and blood.

She offered him the tiniest of smirks, although it didn't reach her eyes, "Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated, I promise you. Am I still banished? Did all of the company survive the battle?"

"Mahal's shield, no. Thorin rescinded it as soon as he came to his senses. The only one we'd lost was you. We need to get you to the company right away. They need to know that you're alive. Oh Mahal, Bofur."

Ignoring her questions, he scooped her up and made his way back into Erebor, pausing only long enough to tell the guard to send messengers to tell the company that they were needed in their common room before flying through Erebor as if Smaug himself was hot on his heels. She protested vigorously that she could walk, but he ignored her. She was alive. The company was going to lose their minds. After all this time, they had nearly given up hope. Especially after ravens and messengers sent to the Shire had returned with word that she had been declared dead and her home sold. Oh Mahal, how was he going to tell her that she had lost her home in the quest to reclaim theirs?

Making his way into the common room, he quickly settled her into one of the chairs, before fetching her a glass of water which she accepted gratefully. He also took her cloak, only to find that she was still wearing the clothes that they had last seen her in, their state little better than thread bare tatters. And she was thin, so, so thin. Opening the door, he found a runner waiting in the hall and barked for them to fetch some broth. Returning to the table, he asked, "Oh Bella, where have you been? What can I do for you? Ask for anything and it is yours."

"I just need a place to rest for a night or two and some travel rations. I don't really need anything more than that. You haven't been taking care of yourself. You look thin and tired. What are you doing here in Erebor?"

He nearly wept at her words. All she wanted was a place to sleep and a bit of food. If it hadn't been for her, they still wouldn't have had a home, most of them would have likely perished in the quest itself. His voice was rough as he answered, "Thorin appointed me as spymaster."

She smiled at him and it even reached her eyes. "That's perfect for you. You always seemed to be three steps ahead of us on the quest anyway. Oh, I bet that it irritates some of the dwarrow to no end when you thwart their scheming. Still, I can't imagine that it's a very restful job."

The door slammed open and Dori and Bifur stood in the opening, clearly having sprinted across the mountain. Dori headed straight for him, checking him over visually for wounds. "What's going on? Dwarves are saying that you were running through the mountain as if Durin's bane itself was on your tail."

He nodded to where Bella sat, having gone motionless as soon as the others had arrived. Dori turned and had to brace himself on the table, his face losing all of it's color. She said timidly, "Hello, Dori."

At her voice, Bifur's eyes flew wide and he shot over to the table to verify with his own eyes that he wasn't hearing things. Once he was satisfied that his hearing wasn't playing tricks on him, he shouted a curse in Khuzdul and flew from the room. Bella watched him go before standing and reaching for her cloak. She said quietly, "I knew that I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry, I'll leave now."

Dori finally recovered his voice at this and he all but shouted in his panic, "No!"

She jumped a little at this but didn't quail away from the loud tone. "No? Clearly he was less than pleased to see me and I doubt if the others will be too keen to see a traitor in their midst either. I thought that Nori might be willing to give me some travel rations, maybe a bedroll for old times sake, I didn't expect to see the rest of you."

Dori gently urged her back into her seat. There were tears in his eyes as he said quietly, "Oh Bella, that's not true at all. We've mourned you for months. I'm sure that he went to tell his kin that you are alive. Our actions while in this mountain were reprehensible and we are so, so sorry. You deserve more than a bit of this and a smidge of that for old time's sake. You saved us, Bella, when we couldn't even realize that we were in danger. Please, at least hear us out."

She nodded, looking puzzled, and murmured, "I can do that."

Thorin chose that moment to sweep in, trailed closely behind by his two heirs. Despite the new threads of silver on his hair and the fact that he was too thin, he looked well. She almost chuckled when he scowled at Nori, "What is it now, Nori? What's so important that you had to send for the entire company and run through the mountain like your beard was afire?"

Nori gave a small, lopsided grin. "Because, yer majesty, something that we thought lost has returned to us."

Dori turned the chair just enough that they could see tiny hobbit perched there instead of just the tall chair back. As seemed to be the reaction of choice, although swearing was a close second, both Thorin and Fili lost all the color in their face. However, Kili's eyes lit up with a light no one had seen since he'd woken up after the battle and been informed that the burglar had not been found, despite everyone searching for her. He cried, "Mistress Boggins, you're alive!" Making it to her chair in two enormous steps, he scooped her up and twirled her around. She giggled at his antics and his deep laughter joined hers.

She protested, "Put me down, you scamp. You're making me dizzy." He immediately did as she asked, steadying her a bit as she swayed. She studied him, laughter dancing on her face. "Look at you! You're looking well and even your beard is starting to come in. But you're too thin. All of you are too thin. Have times been hard here in Erebor?"

He frowned and looked to Fili for help. At this, the blond haired prince finally unfroze and made his way over and pulled her into a gentle hug. "No, Bella, namad. Things are well here. But we thought that we had lost you, thought that you were dead. None of us has had an appetite, not even Bombur. Erebor is just not home without our hobbit lass."

She looked over his shoulder at Thorin, her hesitation still clear. He made his way over to her. "My sister sons are right. We have grievously wronged you. You had been nothing but loyal to us. I know that it sounds like an excuse, but it truly was the gold sickness. I know that we, that I, have treated you shamefully. But please, I beg you, stay here and let us work on mending what was broken, let us make amends for our actions."

A single tear trickled down her face. "You always were a stone head, Thorin. All I ever wanted was to stay here, with my family. If you're willing, I'm willing, to try and make things work. No promises, but everyone will work at it, right?"

A tension that she hadn't realized that he'd been carrying eased from him and he smiled, actually smiled. "That is more than I ever hoped for, Mistress Baggins."

She chuckled at that. "I think we're past that. Call me Bella."

He nodded and helped her back into the chair that Kili had stolen her from. "All right. And you are one to talk, there's nothing to you but skin and bones."

A voice boomed from the doorway, "Is that any way to talk to a lady, nadad?"

She whipped her head around to see what almost seemed to be a female version of Thorin standing in the doorway. Her surprise was even greater when she looked at the person standing next to the princess to find Gandalf staring back at her, leaning weakly against the door frame. He said softly, "Belladonna Baggins, we feared you dead. Where have you been?"

She offered him a small smile, "I had a task to complete."

He moved closer, seeming to look her over. "And what brought you back?"

She said softly, "I finished my task."

She might have added more but Bifur chose that moment to return, Oin and Bombur trailing hurriedly after him. He was carrying something in his arms and it took her a minute to realize that it was Bofur. If it hadn't been for the floppy hat, she didn't know if she would even have recognized him. He was skeletal and appeared to be unconscious in Bifur's arms. She was up and at his side in seconds. Not hesitating, she stroked his cheek and then rested her hand on his chest, waiting anxiously for it to rise. When it did, she murmured, "Oh, my love."

Turning to Bifur, she pleaded, "What happened to him?"

Dis chose that moment to take control of the situation. "Bring both of them into the sitting room. Nori, send the rest of the company that way as they arrive, it shouldn't take long. Mistress Baggins, If you'll just have a little bit of patience, everything will be explained. And for heaven's sake, Bombur, please fetch some food. Everyone needs to eat."

Bella barely paid any heed to her, too busy following after Bifur. When they reached the sitting room, Dis motioned for her to take the love seat and then had Bifur lay Bofur right next to her, so that his head was resting in her lap. Bella didn't protest, too busy fretting over what could've happened to the cheerful miner, the dwarf who had claimed her heart many months before. Dori tucked a blanket around her shoulders while Bifur laid another over Bofur before sitting on the floor right in front of them in what was obviously a guard position.

She looked around searching for answers, but Fili shook his head no. In surprisingly little time, Bombur was back with food and a cup of rich broth was tucked gently into her hands. She wanted to protest, but her stomach chose that moment to wake up and grumble, so she obediently sipped it. The rest of the company soon arrived. Balin and Gloin both paled, which seemed to be the reaction of choice, Ori burst into tears, and Dwalin let out a low oath before coming over and kneeling in front of her, cupping her face with his large hand. He rested his forehead briefly against hers and sighed. "You're alive, lass. Thank Mahal."

She smiled up at the dwarf who's gruff exterior covered a gentle heart. "Aye, I'm sorry it took so long to come back. I didn't realize that you all thought that I was dead. Although, to be honest, that makes more sense than anything else."

He rumbled, "It's a miracle that a wee lass like yourself dinnae die that day. The battle was chaos and many an experienced warrior was gravely wounded that day. We're just now starting to get our feet under us again." He stood and made his way over to where Thorin was and leaned against the wall.

Gandalf pulled out his pipe and several of the other dwarves did as well. "It does my heart good to see that you are not lost, like we had feared, young Bella. But where have you been all this time? I could glean no word of your whereabouts. It was like you had vanished into nothing.

Bella fidgeted absently, setting aside Bofur's hat and carding her fingers through his hair. She glanced nervously at the company and then looked over at the one person that she hadn't met. The dwarf woman seemed to understand her hesitance and said, "I am Dis, sister of Thorin and mother of those two scamps. You may speak freely in front of me, I know the whole sordid story, from where they invaded your home up to where my brother decided to idiotically banish you from Erebor. However, the company had been grieving for you for many months now. Anything that you could tell us would be greatly appreciated."

Bella offered her a small smile and nod before suddenly frowning, "I would like to hear first about Bofur. How did he come to this state."

Dis shook her head firmly. "After we've heard your story. Then, things will make more sense."

Bella sighed, but knowing well the stubbornness of dwarves gave in. "I believe now that the events that happened in the mountain were not solely the cause of gold sickness. In order for my story to make sense, I need to start early in the quest, after stone giants had their thunder battle and we became the unwilling guests of goblins." 

She spoke slowly, finally telling them about Gollum and riddles in the dark, as well as the plain gold ring that she had found their. The ring that she would use again in Mirkwood and even the elven king's dungeons themselves. How the world of the ring made her feel as if she had been immersed in something cold and foul, how she would feel weary after using it, but how it was the only way to move about unseen. She also told about how sometimes it almost seemed as if the ring was whispering to her, thoughts that were not her own, dark and dangerous thoughts.

She skimmed briefly over dealing with Smaug and the gold sickness that seemed to grip the company tighter every day. And then she spoke of that final day, at the battlement, where her heart had broken and fury had over taken her so completely. She spoke of her wish to die in battle, ignoring the shock and tears of the dwarves upon learning that. And then she spoke of how the ring had at last shown it's true colors, shown her false promises and lures of power.

Her story was interrupted by the sound of shattering wood. She looked up from where she had been gazing at Bofur's face to find that Gandalf had shattered his pipe, his face ashen. He forced out, "Isildur's Bane."

She nodded, "Aye, it was the one ring and I had been carrying it around like a trinket. But it made a mistake you see. It promised me gold and wealth. I wanted nothing to do with either, not after have just lost my family to those very things. So when I survived the battle, I swore that I would destroy it. It took me some time to make my way to Mordor and it was not without it's trials, but I finally reached Mount Doom and was finally free of the cursed thing. That in itself nearly killed me."

Gandalf stared at her in disbelief. He murmured, "Four months ago, there was a wave of power throughout the land and it was almost like the sun shone clearer afterwards. When did you destroy the ring?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. I lost chunks of time in the journey and it took all of my will to remember my task. Sometimes I would wake to find myself wandering aimlessly in circles, or heading away from Mordor. It took everything I had to even reach Mount Doom and I almost walked away. Only remembering what it had done to me and my family allowed me to through it in then. I nearly died after doing so and it took time for me to heal and make my way back here. I wonder if I shan't always bear a little bit of it's taint. I wasn't going to come back here, you know. Enough pain had been felt on both sides. But something drew me back here, wouldn't let me walk away. I hoped that Nori might have pity on me, let me know the situation of Erebor. I did not expect things to turn out the way that they did."

They all stared at her in disbelief, but she ignored them in favor of Bofur. When the silence stretched on too long, she said firmly, "You said that if I shared my story, you would tell me what was wrong with Bofur. Please, what had happened to him? Was he injured in the battle?"

Gandalf shook his head. "What do you know of Ones?"

She looked over the scribe who was frantically writing, although there was still the evidence of tears on his face. "Ori told me about them. They're very similar to hobbit's Ones."

"And as you know, when an elf or a hobbit loses their One, they can fade away."

She nodded, remembering how her mother had faded after they had lost her father in the Fell Winter. She said, "But aren't dwarves built to endure?"

He nodded gravely, "They are, and most dwarves will survive the loss of their One, although they will never be the same. But occasionally, there are dwarves that love so wholeheartedly, so unreservedly, that they cannot survive the passing of their One. When this happens and they lose their Ones, they are struck with something called the wasting. They lose all will to live and waste away quickly. It is a miracle that Bofur has survived this long. If it weren't for his brother and his cousin, I think that we would have lost him ages ago."

She covered her mouth in horror and Gandalf nodded. "Yes, when Bofur thought that you were dead, he lost the will to live. Especially as he was missing large chunks of his memory from the company's time in Erebor However, he remembered with clarity that morning on the battlements. That was what drew him from the gold sickness, although you were gone by the time that he managed to throw it off entirely."

She pleaded frantically, "What can I do. Tell me that there is some way to fix this, to fix him. Please Gandalf."

Dis had been quiet throughout all of this, absorbing it all and listening to the tales. However, she offered the hobbit lass a small smile, "Don't fret. As rare as the wasting is, there are tales about times when someone had survived unexpectedly and returned to their mate. You need to let Bofur know that you're here. But once he realizes that and wakes up, he should recover fairly quickly."

Bella asked fiercely, "And how do I do that?"

Dis shrugged, "That was never told in the tales. It was always private and between the couple. However, I recommend that you talk to him, sing to him if you feel like it, my lads have told me that you have a fine voice. Hold him if you like. Just something to help him recognize your presence."

She stood and stretched. "All right, all of you out and give the lass some privacy with her One." There was a grumbling at this and she scowled at them. "We all have tasks that we are neglecting and she will still be here this evening." She switched the glare to Bella, who just rolled her eyes at Dis.

"Of course I'll still be here. You all worry too much over nothing. Now, go get your tasks done so we can have time to catch up later."

Dis nodded firmly. "You heard the lass. Now scat." She swept regally out of the room, the company trailing reluctantly after her. Finally, it was just the Ur family and Bella. 

Bifur murmured something and Bombur translated. "We're so glad that you've returned to us, sister. And not just for Bofur's sake. We've missed you, lass. Bifur will guard the door, make sure that you're not disturbed. I'll make sure to send some broth and simple foods up. You honestly don't look much better than Bofur."

Looking affectionately at the dwarves who had watched out for her and had become dear kin to her, she admitted, "I haven't eaten in several days. It was part of what drove me here. Besides, nothing tastes as good as your cooking, Bombur."

The red haired dwarf's eyes widened at that, before he nodded, obviously already planning something in his mind. With a last smile from both of them, they left and she was finally alone with the unconscious miner. She turned her attention to him like she had wanted to, but hadn't dared when the company had arrived. Dwarrow were built to endure, but her cheerful miner, he was in terrible shape. He was just skin and bones, his hair dull and lackluster. The sad thing was that he looked better than when he had first been brought into the room. She didn't know if he had heard her voice or if her presence had somehow registered in his subconscious, but his color was better and he seemed to be breathing easier. 

She carded her fingers through his hair, wanting to cry at what sad shape he was in, and all because of her. Leaning down, she rested her forehead on his for a brief moment and murmured, "Oh, Bofur, love. This shouldn't be you. You should be up and lively, dancing and making up those silly songs of yours. Or concentrating on a carving, making sure that you get every detail right. Tasting a new recipe with Bombur and exploring a new vein with Bifur, that or finding something green for him to eat. Even after I'd left, even when I thought that you didn't want me anymore, I missed you so much. You, my dwarf, are what kept me going through so much of that journey. You're all that kept me going after destroying the ring and the journey back here. I wanted to see you again, even if you never even realized that I was there. Of course, I wasn't expecting all of you to be in the shape that you're in, so I guess that I'll just have to stay around and keep all of you in line. Just please, wake up."

She couldn't resist stealing a quick kiss, but to her disappointment he didn't respond, although when their lips parted he let out a soft sigh, the first sound that she had heard from him. Choosing to be encouraged by this, she straightened and started running her hand through his hair again. Then she started speaking, about anything and everything that she could think of, sometimes singing, mostly just talking, hoping and praying that he somehow heard her.

She was starting to lose her voice, so she let her voice taper off for a bit. She looked down and gasped when she saw hazy brown eyes staring up into hers. He mumbled something and it took a moment for her to work out that he asked if he was in Mahal's halls. Feeling tears pool in her eyes, she couldn't resist beaming down at him. "No, love. You're still alive and I'm here. I'm so glad that you're awake."

He seemed to struggle to process this, before he finally said hesitantly, fear clear in his face that it was just some sort of cruel illusion. "Bella, you're alive?"

Picking up his hand, she brought it up and cradled it to her cheek. "Yes. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that you all thought that I was dead."

He just stared at her for several moments before letting out a heart wrenching cry. With a strength that she didn't know where it came from he shot into a sitting position and pulled her frantically into his arms, sobbing out her name and dropping kisses over ever bit of her that he could reach. His grip didn't give her much room to maneuver, but she hooked her hands around his arms, tears streaming down her own face as she whispered his name in reply. They were trembling and she couldn't say if it was him or her causing it, most likely it was both of them. All she knew was that he was awake. She started murmuring soothingly, trying to calm and reassure him all at the same time.

He finally seemed to gain a little bit of control over himself, but his grip on her didn't ease at all. She wondered idly if she would have bruises, but she couldn't really bring herself to care. She'd spent the last seven months believing that he hated her. And if she had taken any more time to return, well, it didn't even bear thinking about. She chuckled wetly and tapped his arm lightly, "Can't breathe, love."

He loosed his arms the barest fraction, but it was enough for her to slip her arms loose and up around his neck. She gently tugged on his neck until his forehead rested on hers. She looked up into his frantic eyes and smiled through her tears. "I'm here, I'm alive. It's real, Bofur. You're not dreaming and you haven't passed on to the halls. I can call for Bifur if you want. He's right out in the hall if you don't believe me."

His voice was the barest rasp, "How? I thought ye were dead. How are you here?"

She couldn't be flippant with him as she had been with Nori. "I wasn't killed in battle, love. I left. I had to get rid of something evil. But I'm back now and I'll never leave again unless you tell me to leave."

He shook his head, pulling her even closer. "No, never, Mahal no! It killed me, thinking you were gone. Never gonna let you out of my sight again."

She smiled at that, snuggling into his chest. "I don't think that's entirely possible, love."

He chuckled rustily at that. "You should know better than to challenge a dwarf, amralime. Besides, I'm not yet convinced that this is not just another dream and when I wake up, you'll be gone again. My heart can't go through that again, love."

She sighed. "You won't have to. I'm here and I'm not leaving. Although I have a feeling that if I did, Nori and Dwalin would just drag me back and then Bombur would sit on me to keep me from doing it again. But I promise you, I have no plans to leave."

At that moment, the door creaked open and Bombur made his way in, carrying a tray. When he saw Bofur sitting up, he nearly dropped the tray, managing to save it at the last moment. Taking a deep breath, he stuck his head back out into the hallway and said something in Khuzdul to Bifur, who replied, the joy in his tone clearly evident. Bombur made his way across the room and set the tray down on a convenient table. He said to Bofur, "It's so good to see you awake, nadad. We had feared the worst."

Bofur studied him uncertainly and Bella's heart ached. What had the last few months been like if he didn't trust his perception anymore. "So I'm not dreaming? I've had this happen so many times. How long have I been unconscious?"

Bombur grinned at him. "No, it's not a dream, nadad. She's finally returned to us, although she is much too skinny for a respectable hobbit. As for how long you've been asleep? You've been drifting in and out for the last two months, but this last time, it's been two weeks and we were convinced that you weren't going to wake again in this life. Oin had all but given up hope and we were told that it was time to start thinking of arrangements. We've never been so happy that he was wrong."

This seemed to puzzle the normally cheerful dwarf. "How long has it been since the battle? Surely that much time can't have gone by."

Bombur looked at him sadly. "It's been seven months, Bofur. If you don't believe me, look at how thin you are. That you even made it this long is a miracle." He handed Bella another cup of broth as he spoke.

Bella took a sip, barely able to bring the cup to her mouth where Bofur was holding her so tightly. She savored the flavor and the warmth, then raised the cup so that he could take a sip. He did so distractedly, trying to reconcile his brother's words with the reality of the situation. Reaching up, she gently cupped his face and drew his attention back to her. "Don't fret so much. It will all make sense it time. Plus, you're basically starved and it's always harder to think when you're low on nutrients. I'm here and you're going to pull through and that's all that matters."

She offered him another sip, but he refused until she had taken one. They did this in comfortable silence, trading sips, until the glass was empty. Once she had handed the mug back to Bombur, she yawned, fighting against her eyelids wanting to flutter shut. It had been so long since she had been warm and full, and wasn't that a sad statement, that she was full from half a mug of broth. It also helped that she was safe in the arms of her beloved.

Bombur drew her from her half doze when he proclaimed, "This won't do, not at all. Both of you need to sleep."

Both she and Bofur protested instantly, not wanting to be separated after so recently being reunited. But even as Bella spoke, she couldn't fight the drooping of her eyelids. Dori chose that moment to bustle in. He was visibly pleased to see that Bofur was awake and that they both had some color in their cheeks. He agreed with Bombur, "Both of you are near dead on your feet, any fool can see that. You both need rest."

This brought on another round of protests.

Dori just sighed, "You're both worse than Ori when he was a dwarfling. There's nothing for it, you're both going to bed. However, since you're both too weak to do anything besides sleep, you may share the bed. That way you won't be parted, which is your main objection, right?"

Bella gaped at the mithril haired dwarf before grinning at him. He offered her a weary grin in return, "We've missed you, namad. I'm not going to let appearances stand in the way of both of you healing. However, once you're both a little bit better, it'll be separate rooms again until you're wed. Proprieties will be observed."

She nodded and Bofur grumbled but agreed. Bombur muttered something about fresh sheets and took off, but stopped just long enough to send Bifur in from where he was guarding. After a brief argument in Khuzdul, Bofur reluctantly released Bella and allowed Bifur to pick him up. He cursed halfheartedly about being as weak as a kitten but never took his eyes off of her. Bella started to get to her feet when Dori scooped her up. Startled, she protested, but he brushed her off, "You don't weigh much more than a feather and anyone with eyes can see that you are dead tired on your feet. I'm strong enough to carry you easily. Let me do this for you."

She sighed, having grown used to having to do everything herself, but gave in. As they passed into the corridor, Bella called softly for Nori. When he popped up, she gave him a tired grin. "Yes, my lady?"

She giggled at his overdone bow. "I need you to let the company know that Dori put us to bed, despite vigorous protests on our parts. That I have not run away, but am instead catching up on some much needed beauty sleep. Can you do that for me?"

Bofur called back from where he was being carried ahead, a ghost of his usual cheekiness in his tired voice, "If ye get any prettier, the Valar themselves will be jealous."

She teased back, "Flatterer." 

He chuckled, "It's not flattery if it's true."

Nori smirked at her, but simply said, "Aye, I'll tell 'em, lass. Get some rest, the mountain and the company aren't going anywhere."

That settled, she smiled and waved at him before settling her head against Dori's shoulder and yawning. Dori said quietly, "It'll just be a minute until we reach the Ur's and then you can rest. We're all so glad that you're home, Bella. We had, had honestly, thought that, that you hadn't, sur-survived."

It hurt that the dwarves that she had considered family had hurt for so long over her. She patted his chest and murmured, "I wasn't in a good place when I left and I had no idea what my leaving would do to all of you. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt all of you."

He tutted and cleared his throat. "There's enough blame on all sides. Let's just celebrate the fact that you're home and go from there."

She snuggled closer, appreciating his heat. She had been cold for so long now. She yawned again, "All right, sounds good to me."

True to his word, they reached the Ur's rooms shortly. Bombur had obviously hurried ahead to put clean sheets on the bed as he came out of a room carrying a bundle of sheets, shaking his head laughingly at something that Bofur had said. Dori carried her into the room and they saw Bofur sitting tensely propped up against the pillow, his expression anxious. When he saw her, it eased slightly, but she knew that it would take some time before he truly believed that she was alive and it was not some fever dream brought on by his desperate longing.

Dori gently tucked her into the bed and left, promising to back with some new clothes for her in the morning. Bofur somehow found the self restraint until Dori had left to pull her against him. However, she easily dodged his grabbing hands and shook her head. "Lay down first."

He did his best puppy dog eyes, but she was so tired that they had absolutely zero effect on her. Grumbling, he scooted down until he was flat on the bed. She took his hat and set it carefully on the bedside table before laying down herself. She scooted over next to him and allowed him to wrap his arms loosely around her. She pillowed her head on his shoulder and put her hand on his chest so that she could feel it's steady beat under her fingertips, strong and reassuring. And there, in the dark room surrounded by the arms of the one that she loved, she finally drifted off.


	4. A Clean Start

She woke with an urgent need. Somehow they had turned during the night and her back was pressed against his front. She tried to carefully move his arm so she could tend to her aching bladder, but he just mumbled something and pulled her tighter against him. However, this was not something that could be delayed. She pried at his arm, whispering harshly, "Bofur, let me go."

He buried his face in the back of her neck and mumbled no, his mustache tickling her. The sensation distracted her, but only for a moment. Desperate now, she pinched his arm and demanded, "Bofur, let go!"

This seemed to wake him up and he pulled his arm back. She caught a glimpse of his devastated face, but she was too busy dashing from the room to reassure him. Thankfully Bifur was sitting in the main room and she demanded softly, "Bathroom!"

He chuckled but pointed her in the right direction. Her business quickly tended, she washed her hands. Looking in the mirror, she sighed. A sadder looking sight she had never seen. She was much too thin, her hair was lank and tired looking as well as impossibly tangled. Not to mention that she was covered with grime. Still, nothing could be done about that at the moment. She made her way back to the bedroom only to find a distraught Bofur with Bifur trying to reassure him. Sighing, she made her way over and climbed back onto the bed. Kneeling, she lifted his face and dropped a gentle kiss on his lips. "There's no reason for all this fuss." She rested her forehead on his.

He said quietly, his voice hushed as if he couldn't believe that she had returned, "But, you told me to let go."

She giggled, "I needed to use the restroom. I don't think that you would've been happy with the results if you hadn't let me go."

He grinned back, a glimmer of his old personality peeking through. "Ah, my apologies then, lass."

She reassured him, "I understand that it will take some time for us both to realize that this is real, but you're going to have to let me out of your sight every now and again without traumatizing poor Bifur again. I'm going to take a bath sometime today for sure, because I smell worse than a warg. You could probably use a clean up yourself. Bombur said that you've been unconscious for the past two weeks. It's amazing that anyone can stand to be in the same room as us."

He wrapped his arms loosely around her waist and stole another quick kiss. "If there's anything I learned on the journey, it was never get between a hobbit lass and a bath."

She smiled and gently bopped his nose. "And don't you forget that. I think that Dori said that he would bring me a change of clothes, but I was so tired that I'm not really sure."

Bombur and Dori chose that moment to enter the room and Dori cleared his throat loudly. Bella grinned at him, giving Bofur another quick peck before turning and sitting cross legged on the bed. She said quietly, "We had a bit of a rough start to the morning. Please tell me that you brought food." Her stomach growled loudly, punctuating her plea.

Everyone chuckled at that, although she flushed slightly at her unruly stomach. Bombur said, "Just porridge, I'm afraid, lass. We'll have to take it slow for both of you. But there is a touch of honey in it, which should help."

She admitted, "I'd eat dirt at this point, your cooking is a sight better than that. I appreciate that you're taking care of us, though."

Dori and Bombur exchanged sad looks before pulling themselves together. Bombur carefully handed them the bowls of steaming porridge and Bella made herself eat slowly instead of scarfing like she wanted to. Seeing her struggle, Dori sought to distract her. "I brought you a change of clothes. Nothing special, just a simple skirt and blouse, but I thought that you'd like to get cleaned up."

She pointed her spoon at him, "You're a mind reader. Either that or I really do smell like a warg and you're being too kind to tell me."

Laughter rolled from the door and she looked up to find Dis and Dwalin framed in the doorway. Dis said, "Oh, I really think I like you."

Bella choked on her porridge and Bofur gently patted her on the back until she recovered. Blushing, Bella said, "Lady Dis, I'm sorry, I didn't see you standing there."

The dam breezed into the room. "Please, call me Dis. I feel as if I already know you, from what everyone has told me. And I'm afraid that you are quite fragrant, but that is only to be expected when one is traveling. In fact, that's why I'm here. I thought that I could accompany you to the hot springs so that you can get cleaned up without fear of falling asleep and drowning. Truthfully, the company worries too much and everyone is on edge where you've just returned. This way, we can get to know each other better, you can get cleaned up, and the males won't worry."

Bella smiled at her. "I would like that, thank you."

Breakfast passed quickly with pleasant chatter and various members of the company dropping by, seeming to want to reassure themselves that she was still there. Tension eased in each of them as they saw her there chatting merrily, teasing Bofur and coaxing Bombur into letting her have a second small bowl of porridge. Ori had promised to bring some books by from the library for them and Nori said he'd drop off a deck of cards too.

She shooed everyone out of the room before turning to Bofur. "I know that this is hard, but I really do need to get cleaned up, love, and so do you. Just remember this, I'm real, I'm alive, and I'll be back as soon as I can. I love you."

He cupped her cheek gently, "Aye, I know this, lass. I'll do my best. It's just that I've dreamed this so many times only to wake up, that it's hard to trust what's real and what's not right now. I'll be better, promise."

She rested her forehead against his. "You've been so strong for everyone else. Let us care for you, ok? If it takes time, it takes time. Just let us know what's going on, don't try to protect us from something that you think is crazy, ok?"

He suddenly crushed her to him. "I don't know why Mahal blessed me so, lass. But I'm so glad that you're alive." He had tears in his eyes as he spoke.

She kissed him firmly. "Things were crazy and I shouldn't have left the way I did. But that's a discussion for another day. Right now, I'm off but I'll be back."

* * *

Bella relaxed into the hot water, watching in amusement at the princess did the same. "How many councilors are you offending to take care of me?"

Dis smirked at her, "It would be rude to ignore one of the heroes of Erebor. They'll just have to take care of themselves for a little bit. How much do you know about politics, anyway?"

She shrugged, "Some. My mother was the eldest daughter of the Thain. As such, she had to be involved in some of the running. However, neither of us were heir to the position, so there were some things that we didn't have to know. But let me tell you, hobbits are fussy creatures, so it would probably be fairly easy to handle your fussy councilors."

Dis closed her eyes. "Please tell me that my brother did not know that you're related to the Thain when he took you on the quest?"

Bella thought hard for a minute. "I don't think it ever came up, no. In fact, I'm pretty sure that he still doesn't know. Why does it matter if I'm related to the Thain or not?"

"One does not take female royalty on possibly suicidal quests, it's simply not done. Why do you think that I remained in Ered Luin? It's not because I can't fight, but someone had to carry on the line should something happen to them."

Bella giggled and Dis just stared at her in confusion. Bella rushed to explain, "I'm not laughing at you. It's just the thought that I'm royalty or would be the one to carry on the line." This caused her to giggle even more.

Dis settled more comfortably, "I don't understand. You said that your mother's father was the Thain. That is the ruler for hobbit's, right?"

Bella nodded. "Although Michael Delving has a mayor instead, but that's basically correct. However, hobbits don't really have what is considered royalty. Also, my grandfather had twelve children, nine sons and three daughters. All of which have children. I am quite far from inheriting the Thainship. Add to that the fact that I am considered quite odd in the Shire and I'm pretty sure that I'm everyone's last choice for Thain."

Dis stared at her, her eyes impossibly wide and spluttered, "You lie!"

Bella frowned, "About what?"

Dis flushed but didn't back down. "Twelve children, there's no way."

"Oh, that. Twelve is a little on the larger side, it's true. But there was a family that had sixteen once. Usually families have anywhere between four to eight faunts. My mother was considered quite." She scowled a bit, the words still biting at her. "Deficient, for having only a single faunt. It made them question about whether or not I'd be able to have children or not. Yet another reason why I didn't court."

Dis settled back. "The hobbits in the Shire must be blind. I've heard tales of your deeds. Anyone would be honored to have your hand. Although, I guess that you found your One in Bofur, so there is that. Besides, it doesn't matter if a lass can have pebbles or not, it's the lass herself. Idiots, the lot of them. From what I've seen of you, your character and courage is beyond reproach. They don't get to take you back, we're keeping you."

Bella felt something thaw in her at Dis's words, something that had been frozen in her for a long time. She murmured, feeling her eyes burn, "That's very kind of you. But do you know about the Arkenstone? That was a mess from start to finish and largely my fault."

Dis snorted. "That stone has been nothing but a curse on my family since it was found, no matter what the males in the family thought. Thankfully, Thorin came to his senses and returned the heart to the mountain."

It was Bella's turn to stare wide eyed. Dis smiled at her. "Oh yes, as soon as he recovered from the battle, he returned it. It is never a good idea to take a heart from something and he proclaimed that the mountain would be stronger with her heart back where it belonged. Surprisingly enough, the dwarves agreed. Erebor was happy too, she hasn't sung that way in much too long."

Bella's stomach grumbled and she sighed. "I'm sorry."

Dis smiled at her. "That's all right, we've been here for quite a while and I'm sure that you're happy to be clean again." Bella nodded fervently. "And I'm sure that your One is anxious to see you again. It'll take some time for your body to be normal again, but you'll get there."

Bella pulled herself up and out of the hot springs. "Hobbits have a naturally higher metabolism as well. We eat five to seven meals a day if we can afford them. You'll find that hobbits are simple folk, we treasure food, drink, and family."

Dis laughed, shaking her head. "Well, you are full of surprises, that's for sure. C'mon, let's get you dressed and fed. We'll give you a few days to settle in before we start discussing positions for you."

Bella was startled, "Positions? You don't have to do that."

"Nonsense. Like I said, I've heard tales of your quest. I'm sure that it will be quite easy to find something for you. The truth is, we need all the help that we can get. It'll take some time for Thorin's rule to become stable here and for the mountain to become again what it once was. Your help would be much appreciated."

* * *

Bofur had been relieved to see her and Oin had cleared them to be in the sitting room for a little bit before heading back and getting more sleep. There had been broth waiting to tide them over until lunch, but Bella couldn't argue where she seemed to get full on very little and her strength was coming back, although she tired easily. Bofur's color was better, although he was still too weak to walk by himself. Currently, they were sitting on the rug in front of a roaring fire. Bofur was whittling something while they talked.

Bella was frowning as she examined her hair. It had grown quite long and where it had dried, it frizzed away from her head in every direction. Not to mention that it had split ends and was in quite poor condition. She mumbled, "I should just cut this off."

Bofur dropped his whittling and Ori did the same with his journal. She looked back and forth between them, knowing that she must've unwittingly stepped on a tender subject. She ventured, "Uh, guys?"

Ori stood, bolting from the rooms, so she turned and faced Bofur. She said softly, "Bofur, breathe."

He sucked in a ragged gasp and she nodded approvingly, motioning for him to take another. It took a minute, but he gradually settled back into a normal rhythm. "Now, what did I say wrong?"

His voice was hoarse, "Why do you want to cut your hair, lass?"

She picked up a strand and frowned at it. "Look at it. It's in really bad shape. It's all frizzy and there are tons of split ends. It would be healthier if it was at least trimmed up a bit."

His relief was palpable. He asked hesitantly, "May I?"

She scooted closer so he could easily examine her hair. "Dwarves, as you are probably aware, are very fussy about their hair. Only close kin are allowed to tend it. And for a dwarf to cut their hair is unheard of. That being said, your hair is in rather rough shape."

She nodded. "Is there anything you could do to help it?"

He flushed and swallowed hard. "I could probably fix it a bit, but there's something you should know. When someone offers to tend your hair or you offer to tend someone's it's a proposal."

She frowned, "What kind of proposal?"

His flush spread all the way to his ears and she watched amused as he fumbled for words before saying plainly, "A marriage proposal."

She thought that over for just a moment before beaming at him. "In that case, Bofur, would you care to help me tame my hair?"

He stared at her in disbelief and she grinned cheekily at him, but her eyes were warm, letting him know that she truly meant it. His voice was just a whisper and there were tears in his eyes when he said, "It would be my honor, Bella."

"Good!" She popped up to her feet. "Now, what do I need to get?"

He frowned up at her, his expression disappointed, "No kiss, lass?"

"Nope. If I'm right, Ori ran to fetch Dori and I'd rather have my hair tamed before he gets back and throws a fit over it."

Bofur laughed at this, a deep belly laugh and it eased Bella's heart to hear it. He quickly directed her to where the hair oil and comb were kept. To her surprise, he had her pack, so she dug through and found her sewing scissors.

Gathering up the items, she brought them over to Bofur before collapsing rather ungracefully back to the floor. She sighed in exasperation, "I'm so tired of being tired already. I just want to feel normal again."

He caressed her cheek gently before turning her around so he could reach her hair. "I know, love, I know. It's truth that we're both in bad shape. But we're both here and we'll both be getting better and stronger every day." He started finger combing her hair, easing out the worst snarls.''

She relaxed against him, leaning forward just enough that he could work on her hair. "I know, but I've had to watch my back for several months and keep moving. It's odd for me to be so warm and well cared for, to not be constantly on the move. It will take some getting used to."

He froze at her words. When if became evident that she wasn't going to say anything more, he resumed his movements. His voice had just a trace of hoarseness when he asked, "Ye know, I never did hear where you've been since the battle. I often thought that you might've returned to the Shire, but the ravens said that the hobbits have declared you dead."

She snorted and said bitterly, "I bet you that was Lobelia's doing. She always wanted Bag End, ever since my father built it." She sighed and pushed it away for when she had more energy. Enjoying the feel of his fingers in her hair, she said, "That's right, you were still unconscious when I told the company. You see, it started back in the goblin tunnels."

As he worked, she swiftly spun the tale of finding the ring, how it had aided and hindered the quest, her heartbreak over being banished and her resultant fury and fighting, the ring's revelation, and making her way to Mordor. The confusion and lost time and wandering, of almost giving up on her mission, only managing to hang on by remember her friends, her family. Of nearly dying and of making her way back here. Of how she'd planned to pass by Erebor, but something in her just couldn't and how she had sought out Nori for news and how she had learned that they'd thought her dead.

While she'd spoken, she could feel his reactions. Sometimes he'd freeze and others tug just a little too hard as he tried to control the trembling in his hands. When she had mentioned her heartbreak, she could feel hot tears on her neck and scalp. By the time she'd reached her journey to Mordor, he had smoothed out the tangles and trimmed the damaged parts, cutting as little as he possible could, before massaging in the scented hair oil that smelled like jasmine. And by the time she'd reached the end of the story, he had her hair neatly braided including a betrothal braid and she was cuddled into his lap.

Reaching up to play tiredly with his mustache, she asked, "Why do you have soap that smells like jasmine?"

He sighed and cradled her closer, leaning back against the couch. "It's what your soap smelled like. Bombur bought it in hopes that it would perk me up, but it didn't help. I think I might've traumatized him a bit over it."

She smiled and laid her head on his shoulder. "Well, everything worked out and it was here when I needed it, so I'd call that a win."

Right at that moment, Dori charged in the door, Ori and surprisingly Nori in his wake. 

She mumbled quietly, "Told ya." Bofur's silent chuckle rumbled through her.

Dori said firmly, "What's this Ori was telling me that you want to cut your hair?"

She offered him a tired smile, "It was a mess. It was all knotted and needed a trim. Thankfully Bofur was able to save most of it." She nodded at the small pile of split ends that had been trimmed off.

He frowned at it thoughtfully before examining her neatly braided hair. Ori turned bright red and fiddled with his gloves, but she sent him a warm smile. It wasn't his fault that he'd misunderstood. Dori said softly, "Well then, that's understandable. That style looks right fetching on you. Even with the braid, we might have to beat the dwarves off of you."

Bofur pulled her possessively tighter while Bella scoffed and rolled her eyes. "A too thin, beardless, fussy hobbit who stole the Arkenstone and gave away her share of the treasure. Nah, I have my Bofur and I wouldn't want anyone else."

Nori piped up, "No, a hobbit lass with hair of spun gold and eyes like emeralds. With courage enough to face down trolls, goblins, orcs, and dragons. Heart enough to give up her home for ours and to save the company and king above all else. As for the fussy, well, nobody's perfect."

She roared at that, even while Dori spluttered and Ori protested. That's when Bombur bustled in with a tray and wanted to know what in the world was going on. Bofur could only shrug helplessly at the chaos, although something eased slightly in him. In all his dreams, nothing like this had ever occurred, the gentle teasing and back and forth that she had always brought to the group missing.

His brother offered him a small grin and nod when he noticed Bella's braid, although he eyed Bofur's unmarked hair speculatively. Bofur winked and motioned to the chaos surrounding them and Bombur nodded his understanding. He asked the Ri's if they were staying for lunch, but both Nori and Dori declined, citing work that they had to get back to. Nori gave her a smirk and a wink as he left, causing her to giggle again.

Bofur tucked her closer and sighed contentedly, enjoying the melodic sound of her laughter. For lunch it was broth again, although this time there were small bits of meat in it. Ori got a bowl of hearty stew and some bread, Bella teased him unmercifully about how he was breaking her heart by eating that in front of her. However, the quest and mourning her had toughened him up and instead of turning bright red, he only flushed a little bit and teased her back, although he did tell her that it would be long until they were both well enough to be completely on solid food again.

Bella anxiously eyed Bofur and silently prayed that it would be so. Although his color was better and his hair had been washed and braided into its usual braids, he was still so thin and tired so easy. Yawning, she had to admit that she did as well. Ori chuckled and said, "Looks like it's time to put both of you back to bed."

She nodded but insisted upon a trip to the restroom first so that there wouldn't be a repeat of the morning. Bofur managed to stand on his own, but Ori ended up having to carry him back to bed in the end. Bella quickly snuggled into his waiting arms. Ori left them but left the door cracked so that he could make sure that they were behaving. Bofur, with a bit of his old spirit, teased the lad unmercifully about what he would do if that were the case until Ori finally broke and said that he would tell Dori and they'd be forced to separate beds. This ended the fun and Bella had to soothe both of them. Finally Ori was reabsorbed in whatever book it was that he was restoring.

Feeling the fine trembling, whether from overexertion or fear of losing her, Bella snuggled closer to him, gently stroking his face and humming one of her mother's favorite lullabies. When his trembling started to ease, she leaned up and claimed his lips in a gentle kiss, one meant to show caring, love, devotion. It was a reassurance and a promise all in one. He kissed her back just as softly, his a vow of protection and claiming, that he'd lay down his life for her and spend every day making her happy.

They kissed for several minutes, slow, drugging kisses, before he simply could not stay awake anymore and drifted off. She brushed one last kiss against his lips then rested her forehead against his and allowed herself to go to sleep as well. When Ori peeked in a little while later, feeling sorry for his earlier threat, he found them snuggled together with smiles on their faces. He quickly sketched it and promised himself that he would give it to them as a wedding present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am officially a provisional black belt in IKKJ. So tired today. I will also be updating a couple of other stories, so take a quick shufty around. Happy Friday the 13th~


	5. The Cost was High, but Hope Remains

She woke well before he did, feeling warm and content in a way that she hadn't for months. He seemed to be at peace to, a slight smile on his face as he cradled her gently. She eased out of his arms, but this time he didn't wake, merely reached for her. She tucked her pillow into his arms and he snuggled it close, falling back into a deep slumber.

She tiptoed from the room, surprised to see Nori instead of Ori sitting there. She grumbled quietly, "Are you all just going to take turns babysitting us?"

He smirked at her, but it was warm and happy. "Aye, until we're certain that we didn't just dream that you came back. That and until you both are no longer weak as newborn babes."

She rolled her eyes at that. "I'm not about to die. I made it all the way to Mordor and back on my own."

He stood and made his way over to her. "Aye, that you did lass. But do you know what I see when I look at you?"

Knowing that she would most likely regret it, she nodded for him to go ahead.

"I see a lass that we all believed to be dead, one that became family to us over a long and perilous quest. But I don't see the same lass that we met in the Shire or even the one that riddled with Smaug. You are so thin that I wonder if you aren't going to fade right in front of our eyes. Aye, you're stronger than Bofur, but that's not saying much. You're basically running on hardheadedness and determination. Your hair, while clean, is so thin and lank, dull and unhappy unlike the spritely curls that you had. Did you know that your hands tremble when you're not paying attention? You're worn to a thread and have pushed your body beyond all limits of endurance. You disguise it well, but you flinch at sudden sounds and movements. You're constantly on alert, ready to bolt at any moment and your hand often strays to your waist for your tiny sword or your pocket for some sort of dagger would be my guess. When you eat, you always take a bite and wait for a few minutes to see how your body will respond and see if it's safe to eat before continuing. But that's not the worst part."

She forced her hands to be still and swallowed hard. She thought that she had been disguising it better than that, but Nori was uncannily observant as well. She said softly, "What's the worst part?"

He tilted her chin up with gentle fingers. "It's your eyes. You've always had the prettiest eyes, whether they were sparkling with laughter or snapping with anger, but they were always alive. Now, they are dark and heavy with burdens much too much to bear alone. They are haunted and hunted, unsure if this is safe or just another illusion spun by the ring. Even when you smile or laugh, it doesn't reach them, doesn't ease the darkness. So in answer to your question, until there is light in your eyes again and until Bofur is strong enough to lift his mattock, we will continue to babysit you, to assure you that you are indeed safe and that this is not a dream."

Tears rimmed her eyes but she forcibly blinked them back. She said sadly, "I've heard that before, and each time I've woken alone again. But I will enjoy this dream for as long as I can until I wake and stagger on again. But even should I die, I will destroy the ring."

Surprisingly, he didn't protest like those other dreams had, he just nodded. "It will take take time for you to realize, really realize, that you've already accomplished it."

She shrugged, "I've accomplished it eight times so far. However, this is the first time that I was ever welcomed back to Erebor, so that's new."

This seemed to pique his curiosity, "What happened?"

She seemed almost bored and he would've bought it if it hadn't been for her trembling. "Twice I died in the destruction, three times I died on my way back here, twice I went to the Shire instead and one of those times I died at the hands of the goblins on the way back."

She stopped and he said quietly, "That's only seven."

She swallowed hard, paling slightly. "The eighth time, I reached Erebor and Thorin executed me for returning from my banishment. This time by far is the most pleasant of experiences. I expect that it shall twist soon, the ring thrives off misery."

He had to work hard to keep his expression neutral, his angst and agony from showing on his face. He asked conversationally, "When do you think you'll accept one way or another, that it's a dream or that it's real."

That seemed to puzzle her and she thought it over for several minutes. Finally she nodded, "None of the dreams have lasted past six months. Once six months have passed, then maybe I'll believe that this isn't just another illusion. Until then, I'm just going to live through it as best I can."

He nodded, making plans to whisper things in a few key ears. "Fair enough. Now what brings you stealing out here, when you could be cuddled up with yer One?"

She shrugged, "Two things." She pouted slightly, "I was hoping that Ori would still be here."

He didn't seem offended by that. "I can still probably help you out. I won't laugh, my word as a thief."

"Do male dwarves wear betrothal braids?" She reached up and fingered hers gently. "He did mine but I didn't get to ask him before everyone came in and raised a ruckus."

Nori nodded, "Aye, they do." She frowned at that. "What's the problem, lass?"

"He clasped it with one of his beads. I don't have any beads to do the same for him."

"You can do a plain one and then have one commissioned for him. Why are you fussing about this?"

She blushed slightly, "I wanted to braid his hair before he woke up, so he would know that even if I wasn't there, it was ok."

Nori grinned at her. "Why don't you sketch out what you want your bead for him to look like, I'll be right back."

Unsure what he was up to now, she reluctantly did as he told her to. She had always been a fair hand at drawing and soon the bead came to life under her hands. She had just finished it when Nori returned, Bifur in tow. Motioning for them to sit, she peeked in to make sure the Bofur was still asleep before joining them. Smiling at Bifur, she asked Nori, "Why'd you run off?"

He'd been examining her drawing carefully, his expression approving. "Most families, lass, have family beads that they pass on to the younger generations. As head of the family, Bifur will carry most of them. The sons will carry their parents beads if they pass, although most likely Bombur and his wife have them for their children. Or a dwarf can craft a special set of beads for themselves and their beloved if they have the resources. When we were driven from Erebor, most had to make do with their family beads or carve ones. Bofur gave you a family clasp, marking you as betrothed to the house of Ur, but I'm sure that once he regains his strength, he'll craft one just for you. If a dwarf can't forge a bead, they can commission a family member to do so for them."

He looked pointedly at her and then at Bifur. She grinned at Nori in thanks. Turning her attention to Bifur, she asked, "Do you have a spare bead that I can borrow so I can braid Bofur's hair? And would it be possible for you to forge this bead for me?"

He took the sketch from her and studied it seriously before nodding and grinning at her. He said something soft in Khuzdul and she looked to Nori for a translation. Nori nodded before turning to face her. "He can see that Bofur has claimed you as his, as is clear by your braid. But are you truly claiming him in return? Because if you are just going to disappear again, it's better if you just go and let him die now."

She could understand his worry and that he was only looking out for Bofur, whom he'd been watching slowly waste away for months. She said softly, "I will claim and love him for as long as he'll have me or until I die and beyond, whichever one happens first. I had no idea that he would fade like he did, otherwise I would've never left. But know this, I would rather cut out my own heart than hurt him again."

Bifur nodded and rumbled something, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pouch that he pressed into her hand. Nori translated, "He said welcome to the family, little sister. These are the Ur family beads and you're welcome to any of them. He'll have the bead done by tomorrow."

She smiled and hugged the taciturn dwarf firmly and he hugged her back, nearly squishing her before letting her go and leaving. She turned to Nori and said softly, "Thank you. I really appreciate it. Now, I have one more request to make."

"And what would that be?"

"Could you show me how to do the braid? I want it to be there when he wakes up."

Nori grinned at her, "Of course, lass. Lead the way."

She made her way back into the bedroom where Bofur was still sleeping, although his face was wearing a slight frown as if something was off, even though he was still cuddling the pillow. She gave Nori a quick glare daring him to say one single word about it, but he surprisingly kept his mouth shut. Climbing up on the bed, she leaned over and gently stroked his face. She murmured, "It's ok, I'm here, love. Get some sleep, rest and grow strong, I am here."

As soon as her skin met his, he settled back down immediately, the lines on his face easing away. Nori made his way around to the other side of the bed, but didn't climb on it. Instead, he pulled out a section of his own hair and motioned for her to do the same with Bofur's.

She quickly did as he indicated, following along carefully as he worked and pausing regularly to inspect it and make sure that it was right. Finally she reached the end and clamped on the braid with a sigh of relief. Nori bent carefully over the bed and examined it closely before beaming at her and shooting her a thumbs up. He then tiptoed from the room while she yawned widely.

Removing the pillow from Bofur, which took a little more work than she anticipated as he clung to it forcibly, she wrapped his arms around her and pillowed her head on his shoulder in order to catch some more rest.

* * *

She slept for just an hour or so before she woke up again, feeling more refreshed than she had been since she had reached Erebor. Touching Bofur's braid and bead, she smiled before slipping out of the bed, tucking her pillow back into his arms. This time, he was so deeply asleep that he didn't even stir, even as he pulled the pillow close. She smiled, happiness and sadness mingling in her. She was so glad that he loved her as he did, but it was so hard to see what condition he was in because of that. Straightening her shoulders, she slipped out of the room. She needed to get him back to health.

Nori was still in the living room, surrounded by stacks of reports. He looked at her curiously, "What are you doing up already? You could probably do with more sleep."

She smiled at him. "I got some rest. I actually feel alive again. However, I was thinking, he needs to get his strength back and some meat back on his bones. I want to make my mother's tried and true get well soup. Do you suppose Bombur would be willing to share some ingredients?"

He passed her a piece of paper and a quill. "Write a list and I'm sure that Bombur will send whatever ingredients you need. The Ur's have a kitchen in their quarters, so why don't you check it out and see if you need anything besides what was already in there."

She smiled and quickly made her way to the well stocked kitchen. She was really impressed with it, but knowing that Bombur had probably stocked the kitchen, it wasn't actually that surprising. Satisfied that she had all the utensils and pans that she needed, so she quickly made the list and gave it to Nori. Nori took it and opened the door, beckoning a dwarf inside and handing him the list, sent him off to fetch the supplies.

Bella lifted an eyebrow at him, "It's good to be Spymaster."

Nori rolled his eyes, "It's a pain in the." He censored his words abruptly but gave her a roguish grin. "Well, anyway. But I must admit, some of the intrigues are spectacularly stupid. It's painful how small minded and stupid some people can be."

She giggled at that. "Give them some time. Once they become used to this place and the players, I'm sure that the schemes will become a little more intriguing."

He looked much too pleased at that idea and she had to laugh again. The dwarf was back shortly with all of the ingredients that she had requested and she bustled into the kitchen and happily got started.

* * *

Bofur woke alone, clinging to a pillow. He started to panic, worrying that it had all just been another dream. Pulling the pillow to his nose, he breathed deeply. Bella's scent met him and he felt himself relaxing. Pushing himself up into a sitting position to go hunt down his missing hobbit, he was startled when something tapped lightly against his cheek. Reaching up curiously, he felt a braid and a bead. His eyes widening, he felt the braid and bead carefully. The braid seemed to be a matching one to Bella's and the bead felt like a family one. As a dwarfling, he had been fascinated with the beads and had memorized them.

Grinning, it hadn't all been a dream, he got to his feet. His legs were weak and shaky but they held him. He wanted to be frustrated with how slow his progress was, but he was simply too happy. His heart was back and everything would be fine, given time. He had believed her dead for so long, that it was hard to wrap his head around the fact that she was alive, that she had returned to him. He made his way over to the bedroom door and leaned on the frame.

Nori was sitting there surrounded by stacks of paper, his concentration intense as he studied something on a piece of parchment. Bofur cleared his throat and Nori looked up, his expression distant. Upon realizing that Bofur was up and standing in the doorway, he jumped to his feet and grinned at him. "Look at you!"

Bofur grinned back at him, "Yes, although this is as far as I can probably manage on my own. Have you seen my lass?"

Nori made his way over and looped an arm around Bofur's waist. Bofur leaned gratefully on him, but remained on his feet. "She's in the kitchen working on a surprise for you. You can smell it."

Bofur lifted his face and inhaled deeply, his stomach rumbling as he caught the scent of food cooking. He said quietly, "Help me to the kitchen, please."

Nori nodded and they made their way into kitchen where Bella was humming happily as she stirred a large pot. Bofur called softly, "Hey love, it smells delicious."

She whirled, clutching the spoon to her chest, her eyes wide. She relaxed when she saw who it was. "You're up! I didn't think that you would be awake for a bit yet. It's not ready."

He smiled at her, letting Nori ease him down into a chair. "That's all right, I'll just hang here and chat with you while you work, if that's all right."

She smiled at him, "Yes, that's fine. I didn't hear you call though."

He shrugged, his eyes laughing, "I didn't call, I was able to walk all the way over to the door. Getting stronger every day."

Her eyes softened at this and Nori slipped away. He knew that she didn't believe that this was real, but give her enough time and she'd eventually believe it. And she and Bofur could heal each other better than anyone else could.

Bella turned back to the stove and returned to stirring the pot. She said cheerfully, "You're in for a treat, I'm making my mama's famous feel better soup."

He grinned tenderly at her, "A family recipe, I'm honored."

She smirked at him, "You should be. This is another recipe that Lobelia tried to get her hands on for years, but mother never gave it to her."

Remembering Bella's descriptions of the other hobbit woman from their time on the quest, Bofur wrinkled his nose. "Can't say that I blame her, lass. She sounds like a real piece of work, your cousin. Although Bombur will probably try his best to charm the recipe from you."

She shrugged nonchalantly, "That's no big deal. Bombur's family. I'll have to start teaching him some of our traditional recipes anyway. Part of a lass's dowry when she joins her husband's family is a portion of her family's recipes. Since I am the only remaining member of my family, all of the recipes are mine to keep or share. I know that Bombur will truly treasure my family's recipes and protect them."

Bofur stared at her in disbelief. Her offer was generous beyond belief and she had offered it so easily, so readily. He forced out hoarsely, "He would like that, lass."

She smiled and stirred the soup again. "Good, it's settled then. Maybe I could get Ori to write them down and decorate them. He has a fine hand." She pulled out a spoonful of broth and blew on it to cool it. She said absently, "Taste this and tell me if you think that it needs anything."

She lifted the spoon to his lips and he obediently sipped it. The rich flavor burst across his tongue and his eyes closed as he savored it. Opening his eyes, he said seriously, "Mahal, amralime, that is the most delicious thing that I've ever tasted."

She flushed, but her expression was pleased. "Aw, you're just saying that."

Without taking his eyes off of her, he called, "Nori, c'mere."

Nori strolled in, his eyes wary. "You called?"

Bofur nodded, "I just tasted the soup and I swear that it is the most delicious thing that I've ever tasted. However Bella thinks that I'm just being kind. I want you to take a taste and settle it."

Nori's eyes lit up. "Gladly! My stomach's been begging for a taste since she started cooking."

Rolling her eyes, she filled the spoon and offered it to Nori. He took it and sampled it slowly. Handing the spoon back to her, his expression turned deadly serious, a rare look for him. Bella had only seen it a few times over the course of the quest and it was when things were going intensely wrong. She braced herself for whatever it was that he would say.Nori said, "Whatever it is that you want, no matter what I have to beg, borrow, or steal, I want a bowl of that soup."

Bella rolled her eyes at the melodrama of dwarves, but couldn't help her chuckle. "Nori, you are absolutely ridiculous and only more so by the fact that you are dead serious. But you're family, of course you'll get some. I've made enough for the entire company should they stop by, although Bofur gets at least two bowlfuls. Other than that, whomever wants it is more than welcome to have some."

His intense expression disappeared like it had never been and he grinned at her, "In that case, lass, when are we eating?"

"Not for a bit yet, it has to simmer for a bit to let the flavors meld together. I'll let you know when it's ready."

He saluted her and strolled from the room. Bofur asked her, "Is there anything else you need to do?"

She shook her head, "No, it just needs to simmer."

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her down onto his lap. "Good. I love the braid. It really helped." She blushed but before she could speak, he swooped in and claimed her lips. She sighed and melted into him. 

They kissed softly for several minutes before slowly pulling apart. She tucked her head onto his shoulder and sighed contentedly. She murmured, "After everything, I never imagined that things could be so good. That I would ever be back here, with you."

He hesitated, seeming to want to say something, but unwilling to break the peace between them. She rested her hand against his heart, "What is it, love? Might as well just come out and say it."

He said gruffly, "Is it because of what happened with the gold sickness? There are large chunks of time that I just can't account for and it hurts me to think of what might've happened, been said or done during that time. It wasn't until that morning at the battlements that I realized what had happened to us. I was horrified, but by the time I managed to throw it off, you were gone. Some of the others said that they saw you during the battle, especially the young princes, but then I couldn't find ya even though I looked and looked. Fair broke my heart, it did. All this time, I've wondered if I was the one that drove ye to yer death. That yer alive is a gift beyond measure, but I gotta know what I did."

She sighed, tucking herself in closer to him. "You didn't do anything wrong or hurt me, if that's what you're worried about. Other than Thorin and his obsession with the Arkenstone, there wasn't anything really angry during the gold sickness. It's just, you all went away. I talked to you and you wouldn't respond. It was like you didn't even see or hear me. No matter what I did, it didn't matter. I even tried to kiss you and you just stood there like a statue before walking away and going back to the treasury. That morning at the battlements was the first time that anyone had laid a hand at me, I promise you. But that time in the mountain, it took me back to the time after the Fell Winter when my parents died and there was only the loneliness and emptiness. So I probably overreacted, but I really did need to go as well, to get rid of that horrid thing."

He wrapped his arms tighter around her, as if he could tuck her in right next to his heart. "Oh love, I'm so sorry. I know that it doesn't make things any better, but if I could go back and change things, to make ye not feel so afraid and alone, I would in a heartbeat."

She pulled back a little and smiled up at him. "I know that, I really do. Besides, I just have to look at you to know how much you care for me. But you'd better not try pulling such a stunt again mister. Should something happen to me and you show up in the halls before it's your time, I will kick your stubborn dwarf self from here to tomorrow, do you understand me?"

He grabbed her hand and brought it up to his lips and brushed a gentle kiss over her palm. "I can't promise that, love. Can't live without me heart and I don't even want to try. So don't ask that of me, please."

She shivered at the sensation of his lips on her hand and pulled her hand back. "And what if we have children, Bofur? Are you going to make them lose both of their parents?"

His eyes warmed as he looked at her. He said cautiously, "We've never talked about pebbles."

She huffed in exasperation, "Where did you think that this is all going, Bofur? We're betrothed. I assume that dwarven culture is the same as hobbit in this respect. When you're betrothed, there's an expectation that there will at some point be a wedding and some time after that there will be children. Is this not so?"

He flushed, tugging awkwardly at his braid. "Well, yes and no. Dams can back out of a betrothal all the way up to a wedding, no questions asked. As for children, just because a couple are wed doesn't mean that there will be children."

She chuckled, "For hobbits it does, usually within the first year."

He gaped at her. "That quickly?"

She nodded, her eyes twinkling mischievously, "Well, yes. But you can never tell with first children. We have a saying in the Shire."

He said teasingly, "And what would that be, lass?"

"Most children take nine months but the first one can come anytime."

His face flamed bright red at this and she roared with laughter. He buried his face in her shoulder, mumbling her name in protest. She knew that she shouldn't laugh at him, but it was just such a normal part of life in the Shire that to see a grown dwarf blushing at it was highly amusing. Reigning in her laughter, she ran her hand gently over his hair, coaxing him back out. When he finally sat back up, she dropped a kiss on his forehead. "Let me up, I've gotta check on the soup."

He grumbled but did as she asked, tweaking her betrothal braid as he did. She beamed at him before scampering over to the stove and stirring the soup. Tasting the soup, she decided that it needed just a few more minutes. It was close enough that she started cutting the bread and buttering it. Something occurred to her and she said hesitantly, "I guess we've never talked about it and I just always assumed."

She trailed off and he prompted, "Assumed what, amralime?"

She sighed and face him directly, "Do you want children?"

He grinned at her, "Never thought that I'd ever have pebbles of my own, thought that I'd have to settle for being irak'adad to Bombur's littles. But I'd love to have children, especially with you as their amad. What about ye? Do ya want children, Bella?"

She sighed again, turning her attention back to the bread. "I've always wanted children, but it seemed like I'd never meet anyone who would love me for me and not Bag End or my money, so I put it aside as a fanciful wish. I always wanted a whole houseful of children. I was an only child, see. It's all but unheard of in the Shire. My mother was one of twelve, my father one of five. There were rumors that since my mother could only have me, there was something wrong with her. It's possible that I won't be able to have children either, although nothing in my growing up or health suggest that to be the case."

He frowned as she drooped over the cutting board and his heart ached. This was obviously an old wound for her, one that cut deep. Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself to his feet and made his way around the table to her. He had to walk slowly, using the backs of chairs to steady him, but eventually he reached her. He gathered her into his arms, tucking her as close to his heart as he could.

He murmured, "Now, don't ye listen to what those old biddies cackled about. Yer perfect just the way ye are and I wouldn't have you any other way. I'll be grateful if Mahal and Yavanna bless us with pebbles, but if that doesn't happen, I'll be grateful just the same. Yer my heart, Bella. Never doubt that."

She gave a watery chuckle, "I don't know how things got so serious and deep so quickly."

He shrugged, "That's what couples do, they talk about the things that are important to them, figure out what issues there might be between them, find ways to work together and solve them. I don't mind."

His muscles started to tremble and she pulled back, shooing him into a chair. He took the seat, frowning petulantly, "I'm so tired of being weak."

She offered him a lopsided grin, "I know, me too, but it's only been a few days, love. It took months to get to this point. The fact that you're up and able to walk is nothing short of a miracle."

He grinned reluctantly back at her. "And there ye go, being all practical again."

She laughed, "It's either that or go crazy with how slow the progress is. Since an insane hobbitess would more than likely raise a few eyebrows, I've decided to try and keep my sense of humor, what little of it I may have."

Bofur's stomach chose that moment to grumble right as they heard the sound of multiple voices in the main room. Curiosity getting the better of her, she peeked out to find all of the company plus Dis gathered in the front room. She laughingly called, "What are you all doing here?"

Kili grinned at her, "Bombur said that you were cooking. We remember how good your cooking was on the quest and was hoping that there was enough to share."

She rolled her eyes, "Of course there's enough to share. And that wasn't really cooking on the quest, that was making do with what I had. This is cooking!"

Nori nodded emphatically, "It's true. You've never tasted anything as good as this, sorry Bombur."

They piled into the kitchen, several of them making a beeline over to Bofur and chatting enthusiastically with him. It seemed like they had missed the cheerful miner just as much as she had, although she was frustrated when several of them slipped into Khuzdul. Her curiosity over what they were saying only increased when a light blush crept over Bofur's face. Nori slid through the crowd up next to her, helping to hand out the bowls that she was filling. 

He said quietly, "Ori can teach you Khuzdul, if you'd like."

She frowned at him, "Isn't it taboo, to teach an outsider?"

He grinned at her. "You're not an outsider, you're our Bella. One of the heroes of Erebor who riddled most valiantly with the dangerous Smaug. Also, you are the One of a dwarf, all of these entitle you to learn the language. Ori would be the best choice to teach the basics, he has more patience, but I can teach you the interesting words."

She laughed at this before something occurred to her. "Please tell me that they did not give me some ridiculous title or name for this. I didn't really do anything."

Nori just grinned and winked at her, which was an answer in and of itself. She sighed before dishing up a final dish for herself and making her way over to the chair next to Bofur that was left empty for her. She sat and they dug in. She was concerned when total silence fell, unnerved by it in a fact. Something that she had learned amongst dwarves were that they were never silent, sleeping or awake. She asked hesitantly, "Is it all right?"

The dwarves all nodded, their concentration firmly on the soup. Then they started murmuring to themselves lowly. Since Bofur didn't seem concerned, she shrugged and let it go. Eating slowly, she felt fatigue wash over her, bringing a hint of anger with it. She was so tired of being tired. Cooking a single meal shouldn't have tired her out this badly. But since she had come to Erebor and had found a safe place, it seemed like her body was determined to give out on her. She quickly finished her bowl and set it in the sink before slipping out of the room.

She made her way to their room and barely had time to slip under the covers before she was asleep again. It was only a few minutes before the dwarves started getting uneasy about her absence. Bifur was the one that slipped away from the table and searched for the lass. Seeing her passed out, he took a moment to carefully tuck her in, noting that she didn't weigh more than a kitten. He sighed and smoothed the hair from her face. She and Bofur were getting better, but he didn't fool himself that it would be a quick process. Once he was satisfied that she was adequately tucked in and wouldn't get cold, he remembered how easily she got cold on the quest, he made his way back out to the kitchen.

The company turned and looked at him anxiously when he returned. He rumbled quietly, "Asleep. The cooking must have worn her out. She's comfortably tucked in and just needs rest."

Oin seconded that, so they reluctantly turned back to their meal. They quietly discussed work issues in between trying to puzzle out what exactly what she had put in the soup to make it taste so delicious. Once Bella had left, Bofur quickly started to droop as well. He managed to finish a second bowl of soup like Bella had wanted him to and Oin informed him that he was doing well enough that he could start introducing soft solid foods the next day. He was cheered by this, but everyone could tell that his energy was flagging.

That was only to be expected. As was documented in other cases, when a dwarf faded, they needed to spend as much time around and in contact with their partner as was possible in order to recover. Normally the dwarf that was feared lost was in good health, so they could help nurse the faded dwarf back to health quicker as well. However, Bella was in just as bad of shape as Bofur was if not worse. This would slow both of their recoveries, but given a little bit of time, they would get there. That Bofur was awake and conscious was a miracle and that Bella wasn't dead with as skinny and traumatized as she was was far beyond a miracle. They both needed careful watching to make sure that neither one relapsed. 

Seeing the miner sink lower and lower in his chair, Bifur offered to carry him back to the room. Bofur rejected the offer, insisting that he walk back to the bedroom with the assistance of his cousin's steadying arm. Oin watched but didn't say anything, which caused the rest of them to hold their tongues. They were concerned that he was pushing himself too hard, but they all knew that he had to be fretting about protecting Bella and was doing everything to get himself back into fighting shape. None of them could protest because they each knew that they would be doing the exact same thing.

Reluctantly, they finished the meal and made their way back to their duties. Nori discretely motioned for Thorin, Dis, Dwalin, and Balin to remain. Thorin and Dis washed and put away the dishes, their movements easily coordinated. Many would've been shocked to see the royals doing such a menial task but they didn't even think about it, the routine formed by decades of trying to just get by. 

When the kitchen was spotless and everyone was sure that the pair was asleep, did Nori finally speak. He told them about how he had confronted Bella and how she had told him about how she had 'defeated' the ring before and how she thought that this was all just a dream. He also told them about the things that had happened the other times, not sparing them the details.

All of them pondered this deeply but it was Dwalin that surprisingly spoke up first. "Doesn't surprise me that the lass thinks it's all just a dream. She's been through hell and back for the past year. Too much and all of it different and strange. That she's held together as well as she has is a miracle in and of itself. If this is the ninth time, then in the past year, she had lived through between four and five years. It's no wonder her thinking's a little skewed."

Balin stroked his beard thoughtfully, "Dwalin's right, that would take a toll on any mind. Plus, it sounds like the journey to Mordor was extremely dangerous and she basically spent a good portion of it starving. Right now, she's in survival mode and doing her best just to make it through the day. We'll just have to keep a guard with her at all times so that she knows that she's safe and keep feeding her. When her body is sturdier, her mind will be more relaxed and at peace as well. The only thing that we can do is do what we are already doing and give her time."

Thorin sighed, stroking his temples wearily. "We're going to have to find something to keep her mind occupied as she heals, otherwise she's going to fret herself to death. We have a week or so before she's strong enough to stay awake for more than a few hours, so we had better get our act together before then. Something portable that can keep her close to Bofur. That he's walking on his own is incredible but how much of it is stubbornness and bluff? We'll have to keep an eye on him to make sure that he doesn't overdo and set himself back. If we lose either one of them, we will lose both. This is going to be extremely delicate situation."

Dis offered him a tight smile, "It's all right, nadad. We're not going to lose them, not at this point in everything. We know what to look for and we know both Bella and Bofur are strong and mule headed. I know that she definitely is strong to have kept all of you in line during the quest. They're going to be ok, I'd stake my axe on it."

The dwarves looked at each other warily before slowly nodding. It was always best to agree with the royal dam. With Balin and Thorin making plans, they slipped out of the Ur family rooms. Dwalin replaced Nori on guard, the spymaster disappearing as soon as Dwalin sat on the couch. Dis peeked into the room, her face softening when she saw them cuddled together, a soft coo escaping her lips.

Closing the door until it was nearly shut, she smiled at Dwalin and left, off to whatever it was that she was up to now. Dwalin settled in, his mind running through everything he had learned. There were those who thought that he was dumb, nothing more than muscle. But any dwarf that survived Erebor and the years afterwards was anything but dim. It took every ounce of their wits and cunning to survive over those years and Dwalin had to be on his toes more than most as he had the survival of the line of Durin in his hands.

He thought about all of the different roles and outcomes. He spent a few hours making plans and considering all the angles. After a bit, he pulled out his axes and absently started sharpening them. It always helped him to think when his hands were busy. After a bit, the noise drew Bella from the bedroom. Her eyes were sleep laden but lighter than he had seen them. Her expression was peaceful as she made her way over and crawled up on the couch, tucking her feet under her and propping her head on her arm. 

He raised an eyebrow silently at her in question and she offered him a tired smile. "You know, I didn't realized how much I missed that sound. Somehow, during the quest, that sound came to mean safety. I always knew that when you were on watch, nothing could sneak up on us or hurt us."

He focused on his axes, keeping his voice calm and even. "You haven't felt that for a while, have you. Probably since we've reached Erebor."

She seemed to think it over for several minutes before finally replying. "I thought that Erebor and the gold sickness was the worst thing I'd ever been through. I mean, it was horrible after my parents passed away, especially the loneliness. And let's not even mention the twisted creep in the caves after I fell in the goblin tunnels. I swear, I thought he was going to eat me. But even with all that, there was still a bond of trust. I knew that somewhere, deep in you, you all still cared for me and would protect me. However, when I was going to dispose of the ring, I learned how wrong I was. The ring called for every evil thing that it could to try and prevent it's destruction. I almost died so many times. I didn't tell all of you everything, I might not ever do so. But there was no one to watch my back, to care if I lived or die. That was the truly terrible thing. That I could just be gone and no one would notice or even care."

He tested the edge and then switched axes, keeping his motions smooth and steady. He noticed that the steady rasp was keeping her settled and drowsy, so he just kept doing it. His voice was low when he spoke, "I know that you were upset with us, understandably so after the morning at the battlements. I know that we broke your trust that morning. But don't think for one moment that we didn't miss you, didn't mourn you. You know how hard this was on Bofur, you can see the effects on his body, how thin and worn he is. However, the rest of us missed you just as much. The princes? They lost a sister that day. Kili didn't laugh until you came back to the mountain. Both of them worked together to craft a bead marking you as the line of Durin, on the off chance that you had survived and returned to the Shire. The ravens talked to the thrush that you talked to and they've been crisscrossing the land looking for any sign of you."

Another long, slow rasp of the stone across the blade. "Now, Thorin." He gave a sharp, humorless chuckle. "Thorin was a mess. The gold sickness left him that morning during the battle and he was reckless, he actively courted death on that battlefield. Mahal saw fit to spare him, but at a heavy price. Both of the princes lay near death and Thorin was seriously wounded as well. Every time he woke up, he would ask for you. Every time we had to tell him that you weren't there and that your body hadn't been found, a little more light left his eyes. His nightmares were terrible and he barely ate until Dis came and bullied them all into taking care of themselves."

He sighed, just glancing over at Bella for a moment before returning his attention to his ax. "The Ur's were understandably distraught. Bofur had lost his heart, Bombur and Bifur had both lost a sister and had to watch Bofur fade away, lose himself more every day. They mourned you deeply. As much as if you had been born into the family. But the Ri's, on the other hand, it was like the greatest treasure had been in their grasp and they'd lost it. I hadn't seen Ori write anything until the night that you returned to us. Dori has been making plain, practical clothes, none of the special touches that he loves to add. Since you've returned, he's all but lived in his shop, even though it has a closed sign in the window. Don't be surprised if he shows up with an entire new wardrobe for you very shortly. But it was Nori that was beyond devastated, even though he didn't show it. He hasn't slept more than an hour or two a night since you've left. He had found someone that accepted him, understood him. He has been searching for you nonstop. He searched through the battlefield for your body until every last body had been handled. But I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was haunted by the thought that you were lying invisible out there. He's worked himself to a thread trying to keep Erebor running and find you. Dori found him collapsed a month ago in his office. He was able to keep him in one place for a week, after that, he was right back to his self destructive habits. He finally slept the night you came home. He slept for sixteen hours. A new record for him."

He put the ax away and drew out his largest dagger. It was interesting to see the way that she tensed with the sound stopped and relaxed when it started again. "Gloin and Oin, they threw themselves into their work. Of course, there was plenty of work for Oin to do given the battle and all of the injuries. It took months for all of us to get back onto our feet. Gloin threw himself into organizing things, work parties, living arrangements, even the treasury when he couldn't sleep. Dark circles under his eyes and he constantly clutched his locket with his picture of Gimli and his wife. I only ever heard him speak of you once. He was drunk and he asked me how he could ever tell his son that he had failed to protect a dam who had given up everything to help us reclaim our home. That's all he said but I had no words to answer him."

He sighed, glancing at her and seeing that she was hanging onto every word he spoke. "You know how I said that the princes think of you as a sister? My brother considers you a daughter. He nearly shaved his beard in mourning. Only Nori managed to talk him out of it, pointed out that there still might be a chance where we hadn't found a body. Don't be surprised if he talks to you about adoption once you're a little bit stronger."

He tested the edge of the dagger and slid it away, simply waiting. To his satisfaction, she said softly, "What about you?"

He turned to face her squarely, "I felt many things. If Balin had had his way, you would've been my niece. You were a dam in my company and under my protection. You were one of the few that had accepted me, was not afraid of me at all. You were like us, sturdy and straightforward, yet at the same time, utterly different, cheerful and spritely, diplomatic and cunning, compassionate and tender, irritable and stern. Left us all scratching our heads more than once, let me tell you. After you went missing, and I refused to call ye lost, ye'd managed to surprise us so many times when we'd given up on you. When ye went missing, I threw myself into caring for the others. There was no way that I was going to explain to ye why the entire company had withered away while you were gone. Still, it was hard."

She sighed and the sound was so weary, sudden exhaustion clear in every line of her body. "I wish I could go back, somehow at least let you know that I was alive. I needed to destroy the ring. I don't regret that. But I was so angry when I left that I wasn't thinking straight, I was so convinced that you all would be happy to see me gone. I wasn't right in the mind with that cursed thing whispering in my ear, anymore than you all were with the gold sickness. However, all of this, here and now, it still doesn't feel real. I'm sure that you've talked to Nori and he's told you about the other times. I'm afraid to hope, Dwalin, I'm afraid to live. I can't stand getting invested only to lose it all again. It will destroy me utterly."

A single tear trickled down her face. Dwalin wordlessly put away his weapons and just held out an arm to her. With a cry, she launched herself into Dwalin's arms and buried her face in his chest, weeping violently. He just wrapped his arms around her and rocked her soothingly. It was better for her to just let it out, to purge all of the poison, all of the hurt and loneliness that had been building up in her system for months and months. She had held herself together for so long, had managed to do the unthinkable. It was time and past that for her to fall apart.

He didn't know for how long she wept, but she eventually managed to cry herself to sleep. He called her name cautiously a couple of times to verify, but she didn't respond, remaining limp is his arms. Satisfied that maybe now she could start on the path to healing, he carefully lifted her up, making sure not to wake her. He scowled when he noticed how light she was. She definitely needed to eat more, the plump hobbit lass from the Shire was just a distant memory, but she would become that way again if he had anything to say about it.

He was tucking her in when she stirred restlessly and mumbled his name. He asked quietly, "Yes, mizimith?"

She smiled up at him without opening her eyes, "I think that you'd be a great uncle." 

And then she was truly asleep, her body pulling her into a restorative slumber. Feeling a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, he quietly made his way out of the room, pulling the door mostly shut. He needed to talk with Nori and Thorin about ways to make her realize that she truly had managed to destroy the ring and returned to them. The limbo was dangerous for her. If nothing else, they needed to keep her mind busy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, stay safe, be well. Happy Thursday!


	6. How the situation stands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like Bella and Bofur needed a little bit of love today :)

After that conversation, Bella slept for three days without waking, her body pulling her deep into a much needed healing sleep. When she didn't wake that first morning, Gloin who had taken over the watch, panicked and sent for Oin. Oin had come immediately, worried that her body was shutting down, having been pushed too far. However, after doing a quick examination of both Bofur and Bella, relief swept over the healer. 

Ushering his frantic brother, Bifur, and Ori back out into the main room, he pulled the door firmly closed behind him. Gloin frowned when Oin grinned at them, "Why are you happy, nadad? Why won't she wake up?"

Oin rolled his eyes at his overly dramatic brother but was too relieved to take true offense, "This is good news. Her mind had finally relaxed enough for her to let her body relax, either consciously or subconsciously, she has realized that she's safe enough to let herself truly rest and recover. She will sleep for as long as she needs too, this will help her body to start healing. Remember, also, that Ones health often mirrors each others, especially when one of the pair has been wasting. Bofur will probably sleep deeply as well, although he will be the more alert of the pair, keeping an eye out for danger if you will. Each shift should try to coax some broth or water into her, but other than that, just leave her be and let her sleep as long as she needs. I'll check on her every day as well."

Taking his healer's bag, he left the room, his steps and bearing lighter than they had been in months. The others looked at each other doubtfully but agreed to wait and see. True to Oin's prediction, Bofur woke up just long enough to eat and use the restroom, but he wasn't fully awake, almost like a sleepwalker. Every shift coaxed food and water into Bella, but there was no mess, her body utilizing every drop of it to help heal her.

It was the morning of the fourth day when she finally awoke again. Feeling like she was slogging her way through mud, she slowly became aware of her surroundings. She was warm and comfortable, not stiff and sore from sleeping on the hard, cold ground. Also, her stomach wasn't rioting for food that she simply didn't have, instead it was quiet, no hunger cramps paining it. As had become habit, she lay perfectly still, keeping her breathing even and regular so as to not alert anything watching that she was awake. Her ear tips twitched as she took in the sound of a crackling fire and someone breathing deeply nearby. However, instead of tensing up as she normally would, she found herself relaxing at the sound.

She frowned slightly, this was odd indeed, she didn't even feel Sting close at hand, something that she had done ever since the battle. Since none of her instincts were screaming at her to run, she slowly forced her eyes open. The room was dimly lit, the main source of light coming from the fire burning merrily in the fireplace, although a sliver of light was coming in through the cracked door. She was in a room, in a bed. She ran her fingers over the blanket, marveling at it's softness as she tried to piece together how she had gotten here.

Turning towards the sound of the gentle breathing, she was stunned to find Bofur in the bed beside her, apparently deep in sleep. Unable to believe her eyes, she tentatively reached out and touched his face, yanking her hand back when it actually touched warm skin. However, as soon as she touched him, it all came rushing back to her and she left out a soft sigh of relief. Reaching out, she carefully traced his mustache before cupping his face and rubbing her thumb gently over his cheekbone. He leaned into her touch, letting out a contented sigh, although he didn't wake. She admitted to herself that if this was just another illusion of the ring, it was one that she never wanted to wake from.

She yawned and pulled her hand away, praying that she wouldn't wake him. He looked like he still needed all the rest and meals that he could get. Speaking of which, at the thought of food, her appetite suddenly roared to life as her stomach grumbled noisily. Reluctantly, she slipped out of the bed. As much as she wanted to stay cuddled up with Bofur, she knew that her stomach would not be satisfied or quiet, until she got some food into it.

Stretching, she tiptoed into the other room. Bifur and Bombur were sitting on the couch, looking tired and worn. Closing the door behind her so that they wouldn't disturb Bofur, she walked over to Bifur and clumsily signed, terribly out of practice, "What's wrong?"

Bifur grinned at her, his eyes rather teary as he pulled her into a big hug. She peeked over his shoulder inquisitively at Bombur, who had let out a relieved sigh, his expression lightening at seeing her, "Bom, care to explain?"

Bombur smiled at her, "You've been asleep for three days. Oin said that you were fine, that you just needed rest, but we've been worried."

She rubbed Bifur's back soothingly, whispering reassurances until he relaxed enough to let her down. She moved over and hugged Bombur tightly, giggling quietly at how she couldn't get her arms all the way around him. She said softly, "Bofur's going to be all right, I promise you. It's just going to take a little bit of time, is all."

Bombur hugged her back gently before pulling back enough to hold her at arm's length and studying her closely, "It isn't just Bofur that we've been worried about, namad. We've missed you as well, worried greatly about you, thought at times that we would never see you again. It's almost hard to believe that you are really back here with us."

Her stomach choose that moment to protest loudly and Bombur lit up at that. She smiled ruefully at him, "I don't suppose that you'd be willing to whip something up?"

Bombur grinned and told Bifur, "You stay here in case Bofur wakes up, I'll make sure that she's taken care of properly."

Bifur nodded, looking much more relaxed as he settled back onto the couch, picking up the toy that he was currently whittling. Bombur ushered her into the kitchen and made her sit, then immediately started throwing things together, his expression filled with happiness. He must've had water warmed already, because in a matter of moments, she had a cup of hot tea on the table in front of her.

Enjoying the aroma as she let it steep properly, she studied the rotund dwarf in front of her. She had to admit that she didn't know as much about him as she would've liked, having been caught up in staying alive on the quest and her courtship with Bofur. She asked quietly, "So, since Dis is here, does that mean that your family is here as well?"

This was apparently the right thing to ask as Bombur immediately started regaling her with stories of his family and how much they had changed while they were apart. It was apparent that he adored his family just as much as Gloin did but missing them had made him horde his memories of them. Now that they were here, he couldn't stop sharing about them. Sipping at her tea, she wondered bemusedly if all dwarven fathers were as overjoyed about their children. If they had children, would Bofur be as enthusiastic as Bombur and Gloin? 

A dreamy smile slipped over her face as she tried to picture Bofur as a father to their children. Their children would be utterly spoiled if he had his way, but she could also see him handling any misbehavior calmly, helping their little one work through what they had done wrong and how to fix it and make it right. It wouldn't matter if they were a lad or a lass, Bofur would adore them equally. Yes, she could just imagine it now.

She realized that her thoughts had drifted and she pulled her mind back to the present only to find Bombur grinning at her. Feeling her cheeks heat, she said, "I'm sorry, Bom, my mind wandered. You were saying?"

He set a plate of scrambled eggs in front of her, "Start slow with this, see how it sets. If it sets well, we'll see what else I can whip up." Eyes twinkling, he winked at her, "I remember when Klavi and I were courting, I used to get the same sort of dreamy expression according to my brother and cousin, daydreaming about my One."

Knowing that she was probably as red as a tomato, she hastily took a bite of eggs to keep from having to answer him. They were delicious and in an effort to keep from bolting them down, she asked, "You said that I've been asleep for three days? How is Bofur? I hope he didn't worry too much, he needs rest and healing himself."

Backing off on the teasing for the moment, Bombur started preparing something else, "Honestly, Bella, he slept about as much as you did, only woke up to eat a few times."

She frowned at him, "Is there something wrong with him, aside from the obvious?"

He shook his head, "No, not at all. Ones, especially after something like this, will often depend on each other for strength. Since you both are so low on reserves, both of you were pulled into a healing sleep. How long has it been since you've truly slept."

Bella sighed before reluctantly admitting, "Beorn's. Everything after that point was just too chaotic and stressful."

Bombur just shrugged, "Well, there you go. No wonder you were exhausted. Now, that you've gotten a bit of rest, we'll work on feeding you up, getting you some energy back." He studied her mournfully, "You are much to thin for a respectable hobbit as it is." However, his mood couldn't be kept down for long and he grinned at her, "We'll have you fixed up in no time. The hard part is over now, right?"

She nodded and took another bite instead of answering, not wanting him to hear the lie in her voice. While she wanted it to be over, she believed that it was just another illusion. But why hurt them just because her mind was playing tricks on her. Her hand clenched tightly on her fork for a moment before she consciously forced it to relax. Breathing in and out, she repeated her mantra silently to herself, "One day at a time, one moment in time. No more then this breath and then the next. I can do one more step, I can do one more minute, for my family and those I love. Nothing else matters, nothing ahead and nothing before, just right here and now, that's all that matters."

Her breathing evened out and the tremors eased from her hands. She had done this before and she could survive it again, she just had to keep going. She polished off the eggs and although they seemed to be setting well, she decided that she would give it just a little bit of time before she ate anything more. This was the first solid food that she'd had in days, so it was better that she take it slow. Bombur didn't take offense at that, just shooed her out of the kitchen as he was still working.

Making her way back out to the main room, she was surprised to find Dis, Dori, and Oin all waiting there along with Bifur, talking quietly. Pausing in the doorway, she asked, "What are you all doing here?"

They turned to face her, identical expressions of relief on their faces. "You're awake."

She nodded uncertainly, "Yes? Bombur said that I've been asleep for three days. Do you all need something?"

Dis smiled at her before walking over and pulling her into a gentle hug, "We've all been taking turns checking on you. It's Dori's turn and we came along to look in on you. But look at you, awake and the dark circles under your eyes much reduced. Have you been up long?"

Surprised by the hug, Bella found herself returning, suddenly realizing how touch starved she was. Pulling back reluctantly, she said, "Not long, half an hour or so. Just long enough for Bombur to feed me."

Oin joined them, looking her over. He said quietly, "You look better, have color in your face again, don't look so shaky on your feet. I need to look you over, do a thorough exam to see what we're dealing with. Then you'll probably want to get cleaned up, but I wouldn't push it beyond that. You'll need to take it slow for a bit yet, sleep or no sleep."

Dis offered, "I'd love to go with you again, if you want."

Relieved that she wouldn't have to navigate the mountain alone yet, it had been extremely confusing after they'd reclaimed it and she doubted that it had become any less so in the time that she'd been away, Bella said shyly, "I'd like that."

Dori pulled out an outfit from the bag that he was carrying that Bella hadn't even noticed and held it out to her. Dis snagged it from him and grinned, "I'll take it and just go and grab my stuff as well, while Oin looks her over. I'll be back before they're done and we can go and bathe then."

Dori grumbled but released the clothes to the royal dam. They had all learned over the past several months that it did no good to argue with her, easier to just let her have her way. Dis just grinned and left the room, calling over her shoulder that she would be back shortly. Bella hugged Dori and said soothingly, "I'm sure that they're lovely, your work is always exquisite."

He sighed then smiled at her, "At least someone appreciates my work. Now, let Oin check you out, you've been through a lot."

She grumbled but winked at him, knowing that it was just how Dori showed how he cared, and allowed Oin to take her to what had probably been Bombur's old room before he moved in with his family when they arrived. Oin looked her over thoroughly, noting everything with a healer's eye. Occasionally he would prod something or ask her a question, but most of the exam was done in silence.

When he allowed her to get dressed, she finally asked the question that was weighing on her mind, "How bad off am I?"

He stroked his beard thoughtfully, turning everything over in his mind. Finally, he sighed and admitted, "You're in rough shape, lass. You're malnourished, just a few steps away from starvation. You said that you were able to handle eggs this morning?" She nodded. "That's a good sign at least. I know that hobbit metabolism is higher than a dwarf's, so we're going to have to carefully work out a feeding plan for you to make sure that you are getting all the nutrients that you need. That's not even counting all the scars and injuries that I can see. You've been injured multiple times, ones that I can't account for from the quest. Either during the battle or during your trek to and from Mordor. That you're even moving as well as you are is a minor miracle. You're starved, wounded, exhausted, and have pushed your body far beyond what should be physically impossible if I didn't know how stubborn and bright your spirit is. And that's only counting the physical trauma, I have no idea what mental or emotional trauma that you've endured during this time. The good news is that this will all heal. The bad news is that it will take time. You're going to need to be patient with yourself, allow yourself this time."

She said cautiously, "But it will all heal?"

He nodded, "With the proper time, care, and rest, you should be as good as new." She started to smile and he held up a finger, "However, you literally cannot take any more. Should you push yourself any more, your body will literally collapse. So please, I'm begging you lass, take it slow and allow us to take care of you. If you don't, you will die."

Her eyes widened and he nodded seriously. Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself, just this moment. She asked, "How long before I don't have to be so careful?"

He sighed and muttered about hardheaded patients but answered, "Depending on various factors, three months is the absolute earliest that I could see your life approaching normal. We'll do regular check ups and take that into account, but we'll have to see how it goes."

She chewed uncertainly on her lip, she couldn't remember being so fragile in any of her other 'successes'. Maybe that's how the ring was going to twist it this time. Taunt her with the fact that she succeeded but have her body give out on her in the doing so. Taking a deep breath, she resolved to follow Oin's guidelines to the letter. Even if the ring was trying to twist this, she would do everything in her power to keep it from turning into a nightmare. She smiled at Oin, "Thank you for being honest with me. We'll figure it out. I just got everything back, there's no way that I'm messing it up now. What about Bofur? How is he?"

Oin seemed relieved that she wasn't going to fight him on this. "He's actually in much better shape than you are. A few weeks of food and rest and he'll be back to his old self, no problems. In fact, when he wakes up, he should be good to go back on solid food as well. He'll probably eat double and even triple rations until he's back to normal and then should level off back to normal. The longest part of his healing will be his emotional trauma. It'll take him time to fully accept that you are truly back here with us. You'll need to be patient with him."

She nodded, "Is there anything else I can do?"

He shrugged, "Spend as much time with him as possible. The closer that you two are, the more your bond will pick up on it, and the stronger it will grow. That will help to alleviate some of the worry. However, the only true thing that will heal it is time."

She nodded her thanks right as Dis poked her head impatiently into the room, "Are you about done?"

Bella couldn't help giggling at that, she had the feeling that she knew where Kili got his impatience from. "Yes, we're through here. However, this will be just a short trip, I want to get back before Bofur wakes up."

Dis nodded at Oin before looping her arm through Bella's and dragging her away, "If that's the case, then we'd better get going."

Bella allowed herself to be dragged away, Bifur following them to act as guard. Oin just shook his head at the princess's behavior and went to talk to Bombur about a re-feeding plan for the two of them.

* * *

Unfortunately, they were not back before Bofur woke up. The first clue that they had that he was awake when he came barreling out of the bedroom, a frantic look in his eyes. He snarled, "Where is she? Where is Bella?"

Taken aback by his feralness, Dori stammered, "She's not here right now."

Advancing on Dori, he demanded, "Where. Is. She?" However, after three or four steps, his legs refused to hold him any longer.

Bombur came out of the kitchen, grumbling about his hot headed brother. Easily picking him up, he plopped Bofur on the couch and growled, "Settle down, Bella had neither run away or disappeared. She woke up a little bit ago, ate, and then the Lady Dis took her so she could get cleaned up. She'll be back shortly, no need for all this fuss."

Bofur collapsed back against the couch, shivers running through him. Dori carefully placed a blanket around his shoulders before sitting gingerly on the other end of the couch. It had been months since he'd seen that look in the miner's eyes. The last time had been after they had failed to find her after the battle. It had been such a shock to see such anger and despair in the eternally cheerful dwarf. Before that moment, he would've said that it was impossible for Bofur to lose his smile. Trying to reassure the anxious dwarf, he said, "Bella said that she wanted it to be a quick trip, that she wanted to be back before you woke up."

Bofur turned towards Dori, obviously struggling to pull himself together, "How is she?"

Dori smiled at him, "She looked better, much more alert and her color looked much better. Plus, Bombur said that she managed to eat some eggs without any problem today. I think that the sleep was just what she needed."

Before Bofur could reply, Bombur was back and shoved a plate into Bofur's hands. "Eat this and then I'll help you get cleaned up before Bella comes back. You're none too sweet, nadad."

Settling a bit now that he had a task that he could focus on, he started to eat. As soon as he took the first bite of scrambled eggs, he was suddenly ravenous, shoveling in the food like he hadn't had a good meal in months. He cleaned his plate in a couple of minutes and asked Bombur for another. Bombur turned to Oin and Oin just nodded, moving over to check on Bofur. After a quick examination, Oin gave a pleased nod, "You're doing much better, Bofur, even better than I thought that you would be at this point. You must've needed the rest as well." 

He moved aside so Bombur could hand Bofur another plate before continuing, "So, I have good news and bad news, which one do you want first?"

Bofur muttered around a full mouth, "I could really use some good news right now."

Oin nodded, "Good news it is. You are in the recovery phase, you should recover in the next couple of weeks. You will be constantly hungry and need to eat a ton in order to replace your body mass, but you should be back to full strength very shortly with no physical side effects from your wasting. Once you're back to where you should be, your metabolism should regulate back to where it normally is."

Bofur grinned up at him, some of his tension easing slightly, "That's great news! So what's the bad news?"

Oin frowned, "It's your One. Bella."

Bofur froze, the fork halfway to his mouth. His gaze pleading, he growled, "What about Bella?"

Oin didn't beat around the bush, "She's gonna take a lot longer to get better. She's fragile. The fact that she was able to even walk into Erebor was a miracle in and of herself. She's pushed herself too far for too long. She's going to have to take it slow and we're going to have to monitor her carefully. She should make a full recovery barring any unforeseen circumstances, but it's going to take months. You're going to have to be very careful not to smother her, as much as you want to wrap her in wool and keep her safe from the world. Mentally, she's very brittle. The ring messed with her mind for months. Right now, she's not sure what's real and what's not. We'll just have to be there, to keep reassuring her that she really is here and safe, as well as occupy her with other tasks such as learning Khuzdul. Once she gets a little bit stronger, she's probably going to have mood swings all over the place as her body tries to cope with all the stress that she's been through. Can you deal with that?"

Bofur resumed eating, a determined expression on his face. "Whatever, she needs, I'll do it. But first, tell me how to get myself back into fighting trim. I need to be fit enough to fight her monsters for her until she's strong enough to do it herself."

He finished his second plate and his hunger was sated enough that he decided to wait and see how his body reacted before eating up. While Bombur helped him get cleaned up, he listened carefully to everything that Oin laid out, memorizing everything. Once he was satisfied that Bofur understood, Oin left, citing that he had other patients that he needed to tend to.

Cleaned up and in fresh clothes, Bofur felt better than he had in months, his mind clearer now that he had a plan to follow. That and the fact that he knew that he was making actual progress helped immensely. Making sure that he got his braids fixed just right, he asked Dori, nodding towards the garment that he was sewing, "Another outfit for Bella?"

Dori shook his head absently, concentrating on his work, "No, these are for you. You need new clothes as well, but with things so uncertain, I just never got around to making them." He glanced up at Bofur and teased, "Can't have you looking shabby in front of your ladylove now, can we?"

Bofur grinned at Dori, "Much appreciated, gotta admit that my togs are rather worn."

The sound of female voices arguing drew their attention and door opened to admit a harried looking Bifur and two irate women. Dis was insisting, "It's not proper to just leave your hair down for anyone to see."

Bella scowled, "I don't care, the only ones that have the right to touch my hair are myself and Bofur. All of Erebor will just have to be scandalized until he can teach me to do it for myself."

She turned to storm off and check on Bofur, freezing when she saw him sitting on the couch staring at her. Her cheeks immediately filled with rubies and she stammered, "Bofur, I didn't think that you'd be awake yet."

He grinned tenderly at her, standing and making his way over to her, pulling her gently into his arms. She sighed, relaxing into his embrace and wrapping her arms around his waist. He murmured, "I'm glad that I was, warms me to the very depths of my heart to hear what you said."

She grumbled, "Well, it's true. Doesn't make me feel any less embarrassed though."

He chuckled, drawing back and leading her over to the couch. Dis just rolled her eyes and left, muttering in fond aggrievement about soppy betrotheds. Fetching his comb and the jasmine oil, he moved to tend her hair, pleased to see that it wasn't quite as dull and lifeless as it had been. He swore to himself that he would do everything is his power to make sure that she recovered fully, even better than the lonely but healthy hobbit that they had found at the start of the quest. 

They hadn't come this far only to falter now. No, they would both get well and live happily ever after. She turned and smiled at him, slipping her beads into his hand and he bent down and stole a quick kiss. He made sure to keep it brief, not wanting Dori to intervene, before turning her again so that he could work on her hair. She would be okay, she had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe, prayers for strength, peace, and healing for all of you. We are strong together!


	7. Ups and Downs

The next few days passed in a blur, mainly eating and sleeping. Even Bombur was having trouble keeping up with their increased appetites and Bella swore that she could visibly see Bofur filling back out every time he ate, his gauntness fading with every meal until he was starting to look merely too thin instead of a few days from the grave. Every day he was a touch stronger, although he was still agitated every time she was out of his sight for more than a few minutes.

On the fourth day after they'd woken up from their long sleep, Oin cautiously cleared them to spend the day in the main room, although he sternly warned them to not push themselves and rest if their bodies called for it. He wouldn't leave until both Bofur and Bella had promised they would. Once he left, Bella rolled her eyes, "It's like he has no faith in us."

He grinned at her, "It's not that he doesn't believe us, it's just that he's been around stubborn dwarrow for much too long. We always try to push forward before we're ready."

Remembering the quest and the various injuries that they had all sustained, she frowned at him, "Well, you'd better not, mister. I just got you back and not looking like death warmed over."

He pouted, "Are you saying that I look bad?"

She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss, "You're the most handsome dwarf I've ever seen, and that includes now, but I prefer for you to be healthier, thank you very much."

He just smiled and tugged gently on her betrothal braid, "Aye, yer the prettiest lass that I've ever seen, but I don't want people thinking that I'm treating you ill. We both need to recover a bit of what we've lost."

She flushed and muttered, "Flatterer."

He rolled his eyes, "I don't know how everyone but you can see how amazing you are, love. Truly, you are so very special."

Before she could respond, both of their stomachs grumbled. Motioning for him to stay put, she rose and made her way to the kitchen, grumbling, "I feel like all we do is eat anymore. So, what shall we do?"

Sorting through the various chunks of the wood that the company had brought him, he asked, "What do you mean?"

She called back, "Well, we have a whole morning to ourselves, everyone else is busy, thank Yavanna. I was feeling rather smothered by all of them. It's like they all think that I'm going to run screaming the moment they take their eyes off of us." She brought out a couple of plates that Bombur had left for them and handed him one before plopping down on the floor and digging into her plate.

He shrugged, his eyes dark with remembered pain, although he tried to keep his voice light, "Well, you were gone for quite a while, no surprise that they're a little leery."

Remembering Oin's admonishment about Bofur as well as her own sorrow for causing him pain, she scooted over and gently laid her head on his shoulder reassuringly until he took a deep breath before straightening up and resuming eating.

The good humor back in his voice, he asked, "What did you want to do, Bella?"

She frowned, scowling down at her plate, "That's just it, I don't know what I want to do. I'm not really strong enough to do anything yet, but I'm so bored." He chortled at that and she blushed bright red. "I didn't mean that I'm bored with you, just..."

He soothed, "You were never one to sit idle long, even on the quest, you always were making something or other with your hands, something to keep them busy."

She nodded, relieved that he understood, "Yes, much like your whittling. Although you truly have a gift, all of your creations look truly alive." Seeing that his plate was empty as well, she took it and ran them back to the kitchen before rejoining him.

He was sorting the wood blocks in a way that only made sense to him and told her absently, "Go fetch that notebook that Ori got you. I have an idea."

Puzzled, she obediently did as he asked, pleased to note that she didn't want to immediately sleep like she had every time she'd eaten of late. Settling back on the floor, she made sure that she settled herself comfortably. He watched her, happiness and contentment warm in his gaze. Once she was settled, he said, "Nori said that he told you that you can learn Khuzdul now?" She nodded, her expression brightening. "Thought we could do a trade. You always were an excellent story teller. Share some tales while I carve and I'll teach you some Khuzdul in exchange."

She grinned and leaned over, stealing another kiss from him, "I knew that there was a reason that I fell in love with you."

Before she could pull away, he gently captured her and pulled her back in for another kiss. Pulling back, he rested his forehead against hers, a slight tremble going through him. He murmured, "It's still unbelievable sometimes, that you're here and real and not just a figment of my imagination. That I'm not just dreaming you. Or maybe I've gone mad and I'm just dreaming this all anyway."

Reaching up and cupping his his face, she traced her thumb over his cheekbone, more prominent than it usually was. Since it was just them, she allowed her facade to drop and all the weariness, fear, and vulnerability to show through. She murmured, her eyes locked with his, "I can't decide if this is real or just yet another illusion that the ring is weaving to keep me from accomplishing my purpose. I want so badly for this to be real. Not the you nearly dying part or the company hurting, but the fact that we are all here and safe now. That we're getting better and stronger each day and that there is still a future for us. I dread waking each day to find myself, alone again on the cold hard ground, so far away from my heart. I know that if this is an illusion, that it will twist soon, become cruel and painful, because that is how the ring breaks you down. I've been through this so many times."

A tear trickled down her face but she didn't bother to brush it away. "Yet at the same time, I tell myself that the ring cannot possibly mimic our bond, that our bond surpasses everything else. I yearn for this to be true, to be real. If anyone here is possibly mad, it is me, not you. Because I choose to hope against hope that this is real, that we are together, that you don't hate me for all of this. I am sorry for your pain, dear heart, and would take it from you if I could. Even if this is just a dream, I would not have you suffer."

His eyes were tender as he cupped her cheek and brushed her tear away, "Maybe we're both mad, then. But I choose to hope as well, that this is real and that you've truly returned to me. And I will never hate you, lass. You are my very heart and soul and I will love you until the remaking of the world and beyond."

She felt a tiny bit of her heart relax and she murmured back, "And you are mine."

They stayed like that for a while, just content to be in each other's presence. Finally Bella composed herself and pulled back after pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. "All right, enough doom and gloom. What will be, will be, right? The others will probably be showing up any time now, so why don't we go ahead and get started on the lesson while we still have some peace and quiet."

He didn't protest, just picked up her hand and pressed a kiss to the palm before allowing her to pull away. Pulling out his knife and picking up the piece of wood that he had selected, he motioned for her to begin her tale. 

When the others returned, they were laughing and merry, none of their earlier angst and fear showing.

* * *

It was on the seventh day after their long sleep when things changed. When Bella woke up, she cuddled into Bofur's arms, sighing when they tightened unconsciously around her. Normally, she would get up and start her day, but she had a foreboding feeling that things were going to change. Not wanting to wake him, she just studied him in the dim light.

Although he still had a ways to go, he already looked much better, almost to the point where he'd been in Mirkwood, thinner but still strong. Even his braids and mustache had resumed their usual gravity defying qualities, their cheerful jauntiness suiting him. She knew that Oin had been pleased and impressed by his progress, saying that their bond must be a strong one for him to be healing so well. Bofur had been cheered immensely by that and some of the worry had eased from his expression. She knew he was worried about protecting her, even though they were in the middle of the mountain and so safe nothing could get to them if they even wanted. She didn't even want to contemplate how many layers of protection that the company had placed around them but knew that it had to be a lot, even if they'd only seen members of the company themselves.

Oin had also been cautiously optimistic about her healing. It was hard for the healer to judge her rate of recovery, being a hobbit as opposed to dwarves, but he was erring on the side of caution. However, if she continued improving at the rate that she was, then in the next week he'd clear her for visitors beyond that of the company and even short walks through Erebor. She had been greatly relieved to hear that, as she was starting to tire of seeing the same walls day in and day out. Although the others had been keeping her busy with talks and learning Khuzdul, she wanted to be up and about, doing things. But she had promised Oin that she would listen to him, so no matter how much she chafed at the restrictions, she would follow his lead. She was dying to see the great library though. Ori had described it to her in detail and she knew that she would most likely spend hours upon hours there comfortably. However, the thought of being around strange dwarrow was daunting, so she allowed herself to be persuaded to wait until Oin cleared her for walks.

Sighing, she pushed those thoughts away and focused back on Bofur. If he had his way, he'd be sparring and resuming his duties before the month was out. As much as it would grieve her and she would miss him, she knew that it would be good for Bofur to return to a semblance of normalcy in his life. Oin had been right when he said that it would be the mental healing that would take the longest for him. Although he did his best to hid it, she could still see the anxiety when they had to be apart for any length of time, the tension in his body that wouldn't relax until they were physically connected. Even if it was just a simple touch on the shoulder or hand, that seemed to be enough to reassure him that she was real and that she was there. She couldn't find the words to reassure him, not even certain herself that it was real, but Nori would often spend time with him while she was busy learning from Ori or one of the others. She didn't know what the spymaster and he spoke of, but Bofur always seemed to be more settled afterwards.

Right then, Bofur opened his eyes and she shelved her thoughts for another day. Instead, she studied the way that his deep brown eyes warmed when he saw her and allowed him to pull her closer, sliding her arms around his neck. Reaching up, she kissed him lazily before murmuring, "Good morning, love."

He brushed a stray curl from her forehead, his expression unspeakably tender, "Morning, amralime. What did I do to earn such a lovely wake up?"

She hummed thoughtfully before kissing him again, "Can't a girl just kiss her One? I must admit, I adore the warmth and safety I feel in your arms."

He melted, his whole expression softening, before kissing her gently back as if she was a delicate treasure. Finally he pulled back and said a tad breathlessly, "Good morning to you too, ghivashel."

Right then, they heard Bifur's deep bass rumble followed by Ori's lighter tones, Dori's voice joining the conversation immediately afterwards. Burying her face in his shoulder, she mumbled, "Looks like it's time for us to get up before they come in and check on us."

He sighed, gently running his hand up and down her spine, "I know, love, I know. They mean well, though."

She cuddled even closer, "I just want to spend the day with you, lazing in bed. Is that so wrong?" Hearing the voices getting louder, she sighed and moved back reluctantly. "All right, all right, I'm getting up."

Bofur looked like he was struggling not to crush her back to him and she offered him a crooked grin. He sighed and sat up, quickly climbing out of the bed. He muttered just loud enough for her to hear, "You are much too tempting by half, lass."

She just winked at him, climbing out of bed in turn and quickly making it before going to join the others. He waited for her, holding out his hand and she took it gladly, not wanting to break their connection just yet. When they emerged, they found Bifur and all three Ri brothers waiting. Dori frowned slightly at their joined hands but didn't say a word thankfully.

Studying all of the dwarves and noting the many bolts of fabric that were stacked around the room, she felt her foreboding feeling return tenfold. Keeping her expression light and her tone untroubled, she asked, "What's all this then?"

Dori sighed and motioned for them to sit, bustling around to bring them breakfast and tea. She felt her stomach clench at this, this was definitely not good if Dori was trying to ease it with food. Once they started eating, Dori said quietly, "You've both made tremendous progress of late."

Bella took a cautious sip of her tea, choosing her words carefully, "Yes, we have more energy, it's true." She chuckled lightly and added, "I made it yesterday without a single nap."

Dori nodded firmly, his eyes regretful, "We're glad that you're both doing better, we really are."

She sighed, putting her teacup aside, "But?"

"Since you're both doing better, it's no longer proper for you to be sharing a bed. I hate that it must be so, but that's the way it is."

Sighing internally, she carefully kept the pain from her gaze at the thought of not being able to sleep in Bofur's arms any longer. "As much as I dislike it, I knew that this would be coming soon. But what is all of this for?"

The regret deepened even further in Dori's eyes at her lack of fight, "After much discussion, it's been decided that since Bifur still lives here and can serve as chaperone, it is perfectly acceptable for you to move to Bombur's old room. However, being as you're a dam, we thought that we could freshen it up a little bit, make it something that suits you better. We know that this is hard, but we'll do everything that we can to make it better."

Reaching blindly for Bofur's hand, she let out a sigh when he took it and squeezed hers reassuringly. "I knew that this day was coming. At least I get to stay here, that's a big plus. I thought that I was going to have to move in with someone else from the company."

Bofur's hand tightened on hers but he didn't object. She glanced over and saw that his expression was conflicted, concern, fear, and relief warring on his face. The relief confused her until he spoke quietly, "It's for the best, Bella. You're too tempting by half and I won't do anything to sully your reputation."

She sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder. She murmured, "Silly dwarf. I love you too."

Ori stuttered, "If you two were to marry, there wouldn't be any objections."

Both Bella and Bofur shook their heads, surprising the rest. Bella spoke firmly, "No, not yet. Not until we're both healed and it can be done properly." 

The unspoken, 'Until we're sure that this isn't just a dream', hung heavy over the table. Wanting to ease the stress on all the male's faces, she said lightly, "So what will Bofur be doing while we work on my room?"

Nori piped up, "I'll be taking him to Oin for a full checkup. He said that if Bofur is still doing well, he can start doing some simple exercises to gain his strength back."

Bella sighed before leaning over and kissing Bofur, silently daring Dori to say anything. Pulling back, she saw that Ori was beet red and couldn't help chuckling. She said to Bofur, "Sounds like we have our work cut out for us today. Let me know what Oin says?"

He nodded, "Of course, love. I'll be back before you know it."

She rolled her eyes teasingly, "Don't fib. I know that getting to play again with your pointy objects is much more fascinating then watching me pick out blanket and chair fabrics."

His grin eased a bit at that, although he still looked upset, "Well, when you put it like that."

She smirked at him, "That's what I thought. No brawls or drinking contests quite yet, though."

He mock pouted and Nori winked at her, "I'll take good care of him, ye have my word."

She nodded and shooed them away, motioning for Dori to pour her another cup of tea. It was going to take all of her patience and fortitude to make it through this newest change.

* * *

It took most of the day before the room was set up to her liking. Dori had done everything to make it just so, trying to make up for the circumstances. She hugged him when he left, trying to let him know that she truly wasn't upset with him.

After dinner, Bella and Bofur cuddled in front of the fire, neither one of them wanting to turn in. Bella ended up drugging Bofur's tea, knowing that the anxiety would keep him awake and not wanting him to backslide after he had made so much progress, especially after Oin had cleared him for light training. He realized too late was happening and slurred, "Oh, Bella."

She kissed him softly, "Don't fight it, love. Once you're settled, I'm going to take some too. Rest and I'll see you in the morning."

He sighed, his eyes fluttering shut, and then he was asleep. Bifur carried him to bed and tucked him in and it was all she could do not to follow and crawl in with him. Instead, she did as she'd said and drank her own sleep tea before biding Bifur good night and heading to bed. She was asleep as soon as her head touched her pillow.

She was surprised when she opened her eyes and she was standing in a sunlit glade, one that she recognized as one in the Shire. However, she barely had time to register it before she was scooped up into a pair of strong arms, their grip tight around her. Before she could fight it, Bofur buried his face in her neck and mumbled, "Finally found you! I looked everywhere for you."

Relaxing, she ran her hand up and down his back soothingly, "It's all right, love, I'm here."

He pulled back and glanced around worriedly, "Where is here, anyway? I've been searching everywhere for you." His face fell and he sighed, "Is this just another dream? Am I going to wake alone again?"

She sighed and smiled, "Well, yes and no."

He frowned at her, "What do you mean, lass?"

She giggled, "Yes, this is a dream and yes, you'll wake alone. But I'm still safe and sound in Erebor, so you're not truly alone."

His frown deepened, "I don't understand, ghivashel."

She slipped out of his embrace and took his hand, tugging him over to her favorite hidden alcove, "Do dwarves not have true dreams?"

He struggled to think, "I've heard mention of them a couple of times, but don't know what it means."

"True dreams are exactly what they sound like. When Heart mates, or Ones as you call them, are bonded, they can share each other's dreams. During that time, they can share each other's memories or just simply spend time with one another."

He collapsed down onto the ground, pulling her onto his lap, "I've been fretting all day for nothing? You knew? Why didn't you tell me?"

She shook her head, "I've been fretting too. I didn't know if we would have dreams or not. I had hoped, but I didn't know. It only happens when the couple has a deep bond, usually strengthened by time and closeness. I didn't know if ours was strong enough yet and I didn't want to get your hopes up."

He grinned at her, "Of course it's strong enough, it's made of pure mithril it is. I could have told you that easily. And I can't believe that you drugged me."

She shrugged nonchalantly, although her face was on fire. "I took the herbs myself as well, but I knew that you'd fight me on it. I didn't want you to lose ground from lack of sleep."

He set the matter aside, looking around curiously, "Where are we then, Bella love?"

She grinned, jumping to her feet, "It's the Shire. I always wanted to show you where I grew up, my favorite spots as a faunt."

He swooped her up and spun her around, "I'm dying to see all of your favorite places, lead on!"

They spent the night gleefully exploring as she showed him all of her favorite haunts and some of her favorite memories. He'd been fascinated with her as a faunt, swearing that he'd never seen such an adorable mischievous pebble before. Bella had made him promise to share his own childhood, but he had promised that he would another night.

The next morning, they woke well rested and if they shared a secretive smile over breakfast, well, that was no one's business but their own.

* * *

They settled into a routine quickly and another week passed. Bofur would help her braid her hair and then go and join the others for training while Ori worked with her on learning Khuzdul. Then they'd spend the afternoon together, Bofur would usually whittle while she kept her hands busy with a variety of small tasks and they swapped stories back and forth.

However, on the morning of the seventh day that she'd been in her own room, she was sitting on her bed, tears streaming down her face as she stared at the contents of her hands.

A cheerful tap sounded on her door and before she could reply, Bofur popped his head in, saying cheerfully, "Ready for me to fix your braid?"

She looked up at him distraught and he was at her side in seconds, kneeling in front of her, his expression frantic. "Bella, what's wrong?"

The panic and fear in his voice alerted Nori and he appeared in the doorway as well. Bofur commanded without taking his eyes off of Bella, "Get Oin!" Nori nodded and raced away.

Bofur reached up to brush her tears away, freezing when she flinched back. Lowering his hand slowly, he asked softly, "Bella? What's wrong?"

She sobbed, "My hair!" 

She held up her hands so he could see what she held. In one of her hands was her hairbrush and in the other were several long locks of hair. Swallowing hard, she tried to control her tears enough that she could explain. "I was just, brushing it. I wasn't being rough, I swear. I just did the same thing that I've done every day. So you could braid it. But, they just came off. What's going on, Bofur? What's happening to me?"

He pulled her down into his lap and rocked her while she cried. He tried to card his hand through her curls to soothe her, but stopped when several more broke off. Instead, he ran his hand soothingly up and down her back, fear eating at him. He hummed a lullaby, trying to ease her, but she just tightened her grip on his jacket and sobbed harder.

This was how Oin found them when he came charging in a short time later. The healer demanded, "What's wrong? What's happened?"

Fear shone plainly on Bofur's face, "We don't know what's wrong. You have to help her. Please, Oin."

Not seeing anything obvious to cause the weeping lass's distress, he asked again, "What happened?"

Bofur let go of her with one hand long enough to shove the curls that had broken off in his hand into Oin's. "Her hair's falling out, for no reason. She just barely brushed it. I barely touched it and it broke off. What's wrong with her?"

Oin examined the hair carefully while Bofur soothed her, "C'mon, lass. Please, don't cry. Oin's here now, everything's going to be all right. I promise you, no matter what, it's going to be all right."

Bella swallowed hard, trying to control her sobbing. She whimpered, "It's a sign."

Bofur coaxed, "What's a sign?"

She leaned back enough that she could see his face, roughly wiping away her tears, "This is how it all starts. Something innocent goes wrong, a small thing. And then things get progressively worse until I wake up somewhere in cursed Mordor with the ring again. I'm not strong enough to face it again."

Bofur shook his head, his expression fierce, "That's not what this is. There's another explanation, I know that there is. You defeated the ring, it's over. You're here with me and we'll face whatever this is together, but I'm not losing you again and this is not the ring messing with you."

Oin grunted from where he was examining the strands, "The lad's right. If this is what I think it is." He turned his attention to Bella. "May I examine your hair?"

Realizing the depth of trust that he was asking for but knowing that he would be straightforward with whatever was going on, she nodded solemnly. He carefully inspected both her scalp and her feet, several more curls coming loose under his inspection. Finally he gave a grunt of satisfaction and sat back. Bofur and Bella both stared at him, unable to voice their fears.

Oin shook his head, "Nothing to look so worried about. This is actually a sign of healing."

They both stared at him then Bella hissed angrily, "How in the world can this be a sign of healing? I am losing my hair, Oin! Healthy people's hair doesn't just suddenly fall off."

Rather than take offense at her ire, Oin actually chuckled, "As a matter of fact, both the hair loss and your temper are good signs. There is nothing wrong with you, you are not dying nor your mind playing tricks on you. When one is under great stress for a long amount of time, it affects all aspects of your body, which includes your hair. Now that you are healing and no longer under such stress, your body is replacing the damaged hair with fresh and healthy hair. However, first it has to get rid of the damaged parts. Most of your curls will probably shed over the next few weeks, along with your foot hair. However, the hair that replaces it will be much stronger and healthier. All you have to do is add a bit more meat to your meals and I've some herbs and poultices and your hair should all be back to normal shortly."

Bella collapsed against Bofur, the air whooshing out of her. Wrapping his arms firmly around her, he demanded, "Are you sure?"

Oin nodded firmly, "I've seen this before. You'll probably lose a bit of hair yourself, although not to the extent that she will. She's going to be just fine." He stood, "I'll go and fetch them right now and be back shortly."

Bofur nodded his thanks before turning his attention back to the trembling hobbit in his arms. He said soothingly, relief flooding through him, "See, amralime? It's not a sign, it's natural. It means that you're getting better."

She stared at him with shimmery eyes, her voice slightly hoarse, "But my hair, how will you braid it? I will look hideous."

He gently kissed one eye, then the other, tenderly brushing away the tears that had fallen, "Hair or no hair, you are the prettiest lass that I've ever seen. And so what if your hair is a bit short for a while? It means that you're growing stronger, which makes it even more beautiful to me."

She murmured, "But what if?"

He shook his head firmly, "No, no what if's. This isn't a sign from that cursed ring. You're not hideous, not even close. And I'd love you even if you were entirely bald. This is a good sign, something to be happy about."

At his unwavering conviction, she felt the tight knot in her chest ease slightly. Maybe he was right, maybe this wasn't the ring. She would hold on, just a little while, and if there were no more signs, then she might believe him when he said that it wasn't the beginning of the end.

She slipped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight, grumbling, "Very well. But if I end up looking totally ridiculous, don't say that I didn't warn you."

He just cradled her closer, kissing her and pouring all of his love and reassurance into the kiss. They were going to get through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So stress hair loss is a real thing, Telogen effluvium, look it up. Of course, I made it a little more extreme, but since there was the disposing of an evil ring on top of everything else that happened during the quest, I thought it warranted. 
> 
> Enjoy!


	8. Moving Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that it's been a while since my last update. What happened is that my H key on my keyboard broke. Do you have any idea how many basic words contain the letter H, lol? However, it's mostly fixed now so I should be able to update regularly again.
> 
> Enjoy

In the end, enough of her hair broke off that Dis helped Bofur to trim her hair into a short bob. It was longer than she used to keep it in the Shire, but it was pitifully short by dwarven standards. However, it was long enough to clip her beads even though it was still too short to braid, so she was happy to have visible signs of who her kin was and what her occupation was.

And hadn't that been a surprise, finding out what her craft was. One afternoon, Thorin and Gloin had been babysitting, um, spending the afternoon with them. They'd been going over paperwork, trying to figure out supply routes that would keep the mountain fed without costing Erebor all of it's treasure. Bella had listened as they spoke, carefully practicing the latest set of runes that Ori had taught her. 

Finally unable to stand it anymore, she broke in abruptly, "Why don't you just farm the land around Erebor?"

Thorin glanced over at her, frustration and weariness warring in his face, "Dwarves are typically jewelers, miners, warriors, and smiths. What little we know of growing is hard fought knowledge and most likely highly inaccurate at that, learned through trial and error. And those of Laketown and Dale are no better off. They have been fisherman for so long that they've forgotten their farming roots. And we've all seen the state of Mirkwood. Although things have seemed to improve there, I will not take growing advice from them until the Mirkwood is the Greenwood once again."

She'd said tartly, "You do remember the Shire, don't you?"

He sighed, running his hands through his hair, "Yes, most confusing place I've ever been, not a straight path to be found."

She prompted, "And?"

He frowned back at her, "And what?"

She grinned at him, "Green, if you'll recall, filled with food and growing things."

His expression brightened at that, "You're right! One of the most bountiful places I've ever seen. It was tempting to linger there, but the quest was of more importance. I don't suppose?"

She nodded, "Every hobbit is familiar with gardening and farming. I had my own plot and oversaw several tenants and farms as well. I can oversee the planting and growing. And if you can find a messenger willing to go to the Shire in the next few weeks, I'm sure that they will be willing to barter and send supplies in time for Spring planting. With how long the soil has been resting and the ash enriched soil from where Smaug burned everything down, I'm sure that the fields will be quite bountiful this year, barring any natural disaster of course."

Thorin commanded Gloin, "Give her whatever she needs to get the supplies. She's in charge of all of that, especially the negotiations with the hobbits, her word is law."

Bella felt her eyes widen and she looked at Bofur helplessly and he just grinned at her, mouthing, 'You've got this, lass.'

She spoke up, feeling like this was snowballing out of control, "Wait a minute. I don't even know what crops can be grown around here and how much farmland that you actually have. And what about the people to work the fields? Will you be sharing the fields, responsibility, and produce with Dale or will it be entirely separate? And you're putting me in charge of the treaty with the Shire with no limits? I could be entirely biased towards the hobbits."

Thorin just chuckled while Gloin scribbled some quick notes, "Bella, you couldn't be biased to save your life. You will do precisely what is needed for the better of both parties. If you had even a drop of greed in you, you wouldn't have bargained for our safety with two armies. Nay, you will do admirably."

Gloin looked up from his notes, "So, what you need is Ori so that you can tell him what information to retrieve from the archives, Bard to discuss a mutually beneficial work force to feed both Erebor and Dale, at least for the first few years, and Balin and myself to discuss treaties and resources. After that, you can move onto the next stage with Dwalin, Bard, and myself to arrange work parties while a raven carries messages to both the Shire and Ered Luin. There will be more caravans heading to Erebor once the snow melts, so they could swing by the Shire and pick up the supplies, saving time."

Feeling lightheaded at the enormity of the task facing her as well as a growing determination to care for those in her new home, Bella nodded in relief, "That would be wonderful, Gloin. Thank you."

He stood and grinned at her, "I've been organizing things for a while now. I'll help you with this while you help us with the actual growing things. I'll be back."

As Gloin left to tell a runner whom to fetch, Thorin asked Bofur casually, "Do you want to forge her bead or should I?"

Bella frowned and looked back and forth between them, not understanding what Thorin was asking. Bofur had presented her a beautiful betrothal bead the week before, finally having enough strength and energy to forge it for her. She asked softly, "Bo? What's he talking about? You already made me a beautiful bead."

Bofur smiled at her, "Oh, he's not talking about your kin or relationship beads, love, he's talking about your craft bead. We need to make you one marking you as master of your craft before we start assembling the crews."

She blinked at that, "Master? Of what craft?"

Thorin sighed, "Another cultural difference, I'm sure. Master Farmer, Bella. It will cut down confusion amongst the dwarves if they know who is in charge and whom to turn to with their questions."

She frowned and scoffed, "I'm hardly a master, Thorin."

She could tell that he wanted to sigh again, but he restrained himself manfully from doing so. Instead, he asked, "Can you plant crops? Grow them to maturity? Know how to harvest and properly store them?" He waited after each question until she nodded. "Then you know more than any other here, which makes you a Master Farmer. We can always quibble more about it later once you are further along in the process, but I have the feeling that no one is going to argue the designation."

Bofur chuckled, "They'll be fools if they do. I saw the Shire same as everyone else, your people are gifted at this, mizimith." Turning to Thorin, he said firmly, "I'll make her bead. I'm strong enough now and I'll be the one to make all of her beads except for those of kinship from here on out."

Thorin nodded and stood as well, "Very well. I'm off to inform the council that we've found a solution to the supply problem. Gloin can aid you for as long as you need, Bella. I thank you for your offer of help."

Before she could figure out the correct response, Thorin was gone, his step much lighter than when he entered. Bella turned to Bofur, offering him a wry grin, "I do believe I just opened my mouth and stuck my foot into it. What in the world have I gotten myself into?"

He grinned at her, "You and I both know that you'll adore it. You've always loved a challenge, why else would you cross Arda to steal from a dragon? And you know how you love to organize things. This will keep you busy for months."

She chuckled at that, "Oh, my heart, you know me too well. Here's praying that it doesn't all go sideways on me."

Bofur shrugged, picking up her hand and pressing a kiss to her palm, "If it does, you'll find a way to deal with it. You're a clever lass, Bella mine."

* * *

The very next day, Bofur had the bead crafted and ready for her. To her surprise (and no one else's), she took to it like a duck to water. With the help of the others, things quickly fell into place. Bard had gratefully agreed to an alliance, admitting that his people knew as little about farming as the dwarves did. Bain had volunteered to be the liaison between Bella and the humans and had proved to be an apt student with a clever mind. Between him and Ori, Bella was pleased with how everything was falling into place.

Although her days were filled to the brim with figuring out all of the logistics and planning, she could tell that Bofur was starting to get restless. He was still doing his training and according to Dwalin's reports, growing stronger every day. By appearances, he had returned to the cheerful dwarf that had fallen through her smial door so long ago. Even during the quest when they were traveling, he was constantly in motion, moving up and down the line, laughing and joking with the others. Then later, he was wooing her. Very rarely had he ever been still, often even gesturing and storytelling while he whittled in the evening.

But he had still looked brittle when he was away from her for any span of time, so she had hesitated to suggest he get out of their rooms and do something for a while, worried that he would think that she was pushing him away.

The solution to their problem occurred a couple of weeks after Bella had talked with Thorin about farming. Dis, Dwalin, Fili, and Thorin were having an early breakfast with them, along with Bella, Bofur, and Bifur before everyone got busy for the day. Fili and Thorin had been talking about how the mines were doing with occasional input from Bifur. Things were going well enough that they were cautiously optimistic that they could start slowly reopening another section of the mines. The problem they were running into was having someone inspecting the area for suitability. It wasn't that it was an overly dangerous task, the problem was finding anyone with a strong enough stone sense and a strong enough sensitivity to Erebor's song to inspect the area. All of the qualified dwarves were already overseeing the open and producing sections and they couldn't pull anyone from their current tasks.

It was Bella who voiced the solution, although she knew that the others were also thinking it. She asked Bofur, "Isn't that what your task was, when you were a miner? Making sure that the shafts were safe and finding viable veins?"

Bofur hesitated, indecision warring clearly on his face, "Aye, lass. Always was able to spot an instability, that's my strongest aspect of the sense."

She nodded and said, "Well, there's your answer. Bofur should be able to look over the area and be able to tell fairly quickly if it's worth reopening at this time or not."

Bofur protested softly, "Bella."

She shook her head, cutting him off, "Love, you and I both know that you're going stir crazy spending all day cooped up in these rooms. Especially since all of my time is filled with planning the crops. I'll be perfectly safe here, more than enough to keep me busy and occupied. But you know that you're the one best suited for this task. And it's not like you won't be back this evening."

Bella looked at Thorin, "This isn't one of those jobs where they're on a month long rotation, is it?"

Thorin shook his head, "No, right now, we're just looking at whether or not it's viable to reopen this section. If it is, he might have to spend a night or two away every few weeks to make sure that it's going smoothly, but never longer than that."

Bella nodded and turned back to Bofur, knowing that she had to be firm on this, for his mental health. "See, you'll be back this evening and you can tell me all about your day, I'll even pretend like I understand everything that you tell me." All of the dwarves chuckled at that, knowing that she was often lost when they talked about mining or crafting. "It'll keep you from going crazy while Ori and I work out yet another way that we could plant around Erebor. Go, make sure that our home is coming alive again."

Although he still looked slightly torn, Bella could also see the relief in his eyes. "I don't suppose that it would hurt to have a quick look around, just for a little bit. But if you need anything, anything at all, you'll send for me right away?"

She nodded, reaching out and lacing their hands together, "You have my word. I'll be perfectly fine and then you'll feel silly for fretting."

He squeezed her hand firmly, "I pray that you're right, amralime. Very well, Thorin, I'll look over the section. What section are you looking at?"

With that, they were off in a highly technical conversation that Bella didn't even have a choice of following. But that was all right, they were slowly inching back towards normal. Every small step was another step towards Bofur's healing. He was starting to lose the haunted look in his eyes, the stress easing slightly when he had to be away from her for any length of time. Oin had told her that physically he was healed, so now it was time to start working on on mental healing. She squeezed his hand reminding herself that this was a step forward. He absently squeezed back, his eyes alight as he talked. Noting how engaged and alive he looked, Bella nodded to herself. Yes, this was a good thing.

* * *

It was drawing near lunch time when Bella irritably pushed the charts away. "I'm going to go permanently cross-eyed if I have to look at this for another minute. We've already come up with two dozen different ways to handle the crops based on what you've been able to find in the archives, Ori."

Ori grimaced sympathetically, "I'm going cross-eyed myself and I'm a scribe. It's definitely time for a break. Besides..." He trailed off.

Bella sighed, but wasn't sure if it was one of exasperation or relief, "I suppose that you're needed by Thorin for a meeting. Go ahead, I'll be fine."

Ori sighed but offered her a wry smile, "If it's any consolation, I'd much rather be here planning with you than trying to record all the arguing that goes on in a typical council meeting."

Bella's heart warmed at that, "Thank you, Ori. However, I think that I've done as much planning as I can stand today. I'll probably practice my Khuzdul this afternoon. You did leave me that new book of fables to work with, very tempting you know."

Dwalin and Bombur chose that moment to stroll in, Bombur carrying a large basket. Dwalin asked cheerfully, "At a good stopping place?"

Bella eyed him suspiciously. This level of cheer usually either preceded or followed a training session that left people wishing they'd never been born. She said cautiously, "Ori has to leave for a council meeting and I was just about to take a break, yes. What can I do for you?"

Dwalin grinned at her, "Well, Bombur just happened to put together this nice little lunch basket on the off chance that you might be feeling restless and want to go for a stroll, maybe stop in and see your One."

Bella jumped to her feet, flying over and hugging him. "Thank you! I've been fretting about Bofur all morning. It would make me feel much better if I could actually see how he's doing."

Bombur grinned and handed the basket to Dwalin before hugging Bella and pressing a bit of food into her hands, "Something to tide you over until you get there."

Dwalin frowned at that, weighing the basket suspiciously, "What did you pack in here, the entire kitchen?"

Bombur rolled his eyes, "Be grateful that this isn't a few weeks ago when they were eating the mountain bare. I also included enough food for you, because you'll be staying and walking her back, of course."

Dwalin grumbled, "Of course I will. She'd be lost forever otherwise." 

Bombur gave a sharp nod of approval and Bella one last hug before returning back to his own personal kingdom of the kitchens. Bella was nearly dancing with impatience to get going before something occurred to her. Frowning down at herself, she asked, "Do I look ok to actually be seen by the rest of the mountain?"

Dwalin gave her an assessing look, "You look fine. Might wanna put on your tiny letter opener though, it's strange to see someone unarmed."

Bella went into her room and retrieved Sting, belting it on in a move that had become habit, carefully adjusting it so that it would be easy to draw. She also carefully tucked several daggers that Fili had gifted her into her clothes. She knew that it was overkill for Erebor, but habits were hard to break and this would be her first time venturing out of the cocoon of safety that the company had so carefully built around her.  
Rejoining Dwalin, she nodded, "Ok, I'm ready now."

He held the door open for her, murmuring quietly, "If it gets to be too much, just let me know and we'll try another day. There's no shame in it."

Touched once again by her dwarves caring, she said just as quietly, "I need to face it and it's better to face it now rather than later. The longer I avoid it, the harder it's going to be. Besides, you'll be with me the whole time, right? And Bofur is probably struggling being apart as well, so this is just as much for him as it is for me."

Dwalin said firmly, nodding at the guards that they passed stationed in the hall, "I won't leave your side, you have my word."

She frowned as something occurred to her, "I'm keeping you from your duties, aren't I?"

He laughed at that, "It's a good test run for my captains, see how they do without me hovering over their shoulders. And better that we work out the kinks now rather than we have some sort of large diplomatic summit. They all know where to find me. And quite honestly, you're more important that yet another training drill. It's best that Erebor understands that from the start."

She smiled up at him, "You're very sweet, Dwalin."

He grumbled, "Nothing sweet about it. You pulled us out of trouble time and again, lass, not to mention the little fact that you faced down a bloody dragon. And handled that other matter as well. You are kin to every last one of us and we'd rather see the mountain burn again than have any harm come to you. You are kin and it will be a sorry person who dares suggest otherwise."

Pushing away the subject before she started to weep, her emotions had been all over the place of late, she quickly changed the subject, "Tell me about all the changes to Erebor. When I came back, Nori moved too fast for me to really see the changes and I was pretty out of it anyway. I'm sure that everyone has been working hard to bring it back to it's former glory."

That proved to be the right question and their walk down to the mines was filled with comfortable talk and laughter. Many of the dwarves they passed stared at them, but Bella chalked it up to natural curiosity. When she asked Dwalin what they had told Erebor about her, the guard just shrugged, "The mountain knows that the missing company member has returned, Bofur's One, when he was healed and rejoined the training. But other than that, not much. Figured that you could decide what you wanted to share when you were ready."

Bella nodded to that, appreciating the chance to control what was shared, before asking about another change that she noticed. Before she realized it, they had reached the mines section of Erebor. Dwalin paused at the entrance and exchanged quiet words with the guard stationed there before handing Bella an unlit lantern and leading her further into the mines. "The area should be lit, but it never hurts to be prepared. He said that Bofur's group is down this way."

Bella followed Dwalin, grateful that she didn't have to try and navigate these tunnels by herself. It wasn't long until her ears caught the familiar sound of Bofur's voice and a tension that she didn't realize she was holding eased. Hearing the energy and good natured humor in his voice, she murmured to Dwalin, "He sounds all right."

Dwalin murmured back, laughter lacing his words, "He's as all right as you were a minute ago, lass. Functioning but not flourishing." Without waiting for her to respond, he strode forward, calling out to the survey group. 

Bofur called back, "Dwalin? What are you doing down here?" There was a brief pause before he asked, concern lacing his voice, "Is it Bella? Has something happened?"

Not liking the fear underlying the concern in his voice, she called out merrily, "Well, it is Bella, but the problem is that I'm hungry and I figured that you'd probably be ready for a break as well." She moved forward until she was standing in front of them, a small group of dwarves, just five besides Bofur. "Am I interrupting?"

He moved forward and pulled her into a hug, "Not at all, love. The lads were just saying that they needed a break." He turned and faced the rest of the group, keeping an arm tucked around her shoulders. He introduced them, each of the dwarves bowing jauntily to her. His second, Bern, teased him, "No wonder you were pushing us. If I had such a bonnie lass waiting for me, I'd push hard to get back to her as well."

Bella felt her cheeks heat but she smiled back at him, "Have you known Bofur long?"

They all nodded, although Bern seemed to have been elected spokesman, "Yes, ma'am. We worked together in Ered Luin. However, he never mentioned you before, sly one he is."

Bella laughed at that, immediately warming up to this group of dwarves, "That's because we met during the quest." Both her and Bofur's stomach chose that moment to growl and Dwalin sighed, loudly. Bella laughed again, "Why don't we go ahead and eat and we can swap tales."

The dwarves agreed readily and it was one of the merriest meals that she'd had since she'd returned to Erebor. It was with great reluctance that she left after it was over, not wanting to keep them from their tasks. Dwalin distracted the others long enough for Bofur to steal a quick kiss and promise that he would return as soon as he could. Pleased that he was in good spirits and with friends, she told him that she'd be fine, even if he wanted to get a pint with his friends and catch up. She propped her hands on her hips and added mock sternly, "Only a pint, though, mind. Oin said that you're not to be dancing on the tables for at least another month."

He just grinned and stole another quick kiss before rejoining the others and chivvying them to get moving, they didn't have time to waste. Dwalin just shook his head and stole the empty basket from Bella. Half listening to the dwarves tease Bofur about her as they walked away, Bella protested, "Dwalin! I can carry that easily!"

He mimicked her, "Bella! So can I! It doesn't weigh more than a feather. Besides, don't think that I haven't noticed the way that you're drooping."

She handed the lantern to the dwarf and sighed, "I'm so tired of being tired. Oin keeps saying that I'm getting stronger, but it seems to be taking forever. I just want to be able to make it through a normal day with needing to rest half a dozen times or stop and eat yet again." She sighed again and glanced around the busy halls. "Is there a less busy route back to our rooms? I'd prefer for people to not know how truly weak I am right now."

Dwalin nodded and steered her a different way from the way that they'd come. He said quietly, "You are getting stronger, every day. You're no longer that wraith of a hobbit that returned to Erebor. Although it's probably not much of a consolation, I'd put you somewhere between Mirkwood Bella and Smaug Bella. You've got good color and your shaking has almost ceased entirely. You're wearing Sting, but you don't touch it's hilt every two seconds for comfort, like you did that first day when you told your story. All of the planning that you and the lads have been doing shows that your brain is no longer nutrient starved, your thinking is focused and not cloudy or easily distracted like you were. And you walked all the way to the mines without having to stop or getting winded. It will just take time for you to get back to the bonnie lass we met the first night."

Bella admitted softly, knowing that he wouldn't spread her confidence, "I don't know if I'll ever be that hobbit again. Gandalf even told me that should I chose to sign up for the quest, he couldn't guarantee that I'd ever return to Bag End or that I would be the same hobbit if I did. But you know what the truth is? I didn't even like the hobbit that I was there. I had tried so hard to fit in, to be a proper, respectable Baggins and do all the right things that I was never truly happy. With all of you, I am happy although I am far from respectable by hobbit standards. But I've seen things, been through things, that have marked and changed me. I guess I just don't know who I am now, after all of this."

He smiled down at her, "You're our Bella. You can decide what exactly you want that to mean and who exactly you want to be. But you never have to worry about facing something like this alone ever again."

Bella started to reply as they rounded a corner, only to snap her mouth shut as she noticed a number of dwarves lingering in the hallway. She had gradually recognized their surroundings as they had walked and this hallway was only a couple of corridors over from the Ur home. There shouldn't be anyone is this area, especially in the middle of the work day. They had taken a few more steps while she processed this and she stopped abruptly, her instincts screaming at her that something was wrong. Glancing behind, her suspicions were confirmed as she saw more dwarves moving up behind them and cutting them off. She did a quick count and came up with ten burly dwarves.

Dwalin calmly unsheathed Grasper and Keeper and growled, "And just what do you lot think you're up to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter - A meeting of leaders at Rivendell
> 
> Praying for peace, strength, and understanding. We are strong together!


	9. The Council

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A peek at what the lofty leaders of Arda are talking about ;)

Rivendell

Although Spring was still a ways off, the temperate climate of the valley was pleasant. It was evening when the various leaders finally assembled after the meal. Saruman, as was his wont, was the first to speak, "Why have you called us here, Gandalf? What matter could possibly be so urgent that we had to all gather at once, especially after your little deception with the dwarves last summer. Allowing them to slip away in the night like that. It would've been on your head if the dragon had rampaged. As it is, it's a minor miracle that only Laketown was lost to the beast."

Gandalf sighed, taking another puff on his pipe, "It was my opinion that the reward was worth the risk. If Smaug had allied with one of the growing evils in the world, all of Arda would have been in danger. And it paid off, the dragon is dead, Erebor is restored and Dale alongside of it. Add to that the eradication of the white orc and his line and good has once again gained a foothold. But no, that is not why I called you all here today."

Thranduil sighed, his normally haughty expression one of weariness instead, "Why then, wizard? My people are still recovering from the battle and I dislike being so far away while we are still in a weakened state."

Gandalf nodded, "Your people indeed fought bravely, Thranduil. However, I would not call you all together over mere trifle. This is something older and darker, something that we had thought lost beyond time or memory, even immortal memory."

Galadriel's eyes widened and her voice whispered in Gandalf's mind, "Surely you do not speak of..."

Elrond's expression turned hard and he said, "You speak of Isildur's Bane."

Gandalf nodded, "Aye, the One Ring."

All of the table fell silent at that, their expressions grim and troubled. Galadriel finally spoke, her voice rich and low, "It has passed beyond our knowing and been lost for an age."

Saruman added irritably, although he was paler than normal, "Why do you seek to meddle in dangerous affairs best left alone? Was the dragon not danger enough for you, Gandalf the Gray?"

Elrond said quietly, "It has been three thousand years or nearly so since last it was seen. It is lost and let it remain so for all eternity."

Gandalf shook his head, "What is lost rarely stays lost forever. And haven't we all said that the darkness is growing stronger, almost as if there was a foul intelligence behind it? In the past year, events happened that I was unaware of, and a great danger had been averted." He murmured silently to Galadriel, "All is well, my lady. Do not fret."

Her expression remained unchanging but her mental voice was warm and curious, "What do you know, Mithrandir?"

"Remember when last we spoke, my lady? As it turns out, both my hope and my courage turned out to be correct indeed."

Galadriel's mental voice softened, the tone almost fond, "You speak of the hobbit lass."

Gandalf gave her a tiny nod before turning his attention back to the rest of the table. Thranduil looked troubled and tired, Saruman looked irate, and Elrond was deeply worried. Elrond spoke, "What you say does bear some truth. Never before had orcs or wargs ventured so close to my domain. Not to mention the trolls that came down from the north. There's been a growing restlessness, of dark things growing bolder."

Knowing that the others had more than enough on their plates, that they wouldn't invade his territory, Thranduil admitted reluctantly, "The Greenwood too has experienced this. The spiders grow ever bolder, even as our paths and safe ways are fading. Every year, the land produces less. We are constantly at war with the wood, with no respite. I know that many have taken to calling it Mirkwood, but we will not abandon it until it has been proven beyond all reason that it has been lost." He glared fiercely at them, daring them to tell him that he was an unfit ruler.

Both of the other elven rulers looks troubled while Saruman sneered slightly, even as his eyes were troubled. However, Gandalf jumped in before any could speak, "You and your people have been fighting a war on three fronts, Thranduil. That your wood is as strong as it is is a credit to you and your people. On the one hand, you had the shadow of the dragon, poisoning your land. Why do you think that the places that dragons are settled are called desolations? Their very presence carries a poison that seeps into the ground and water. And the longer that they remain, the stronger and farther the taint travels."

Thranduil sighed, "What was I supposed to do, Mithrandir? When the dragon came, I was granted a vision. It would've been the end of both the dwarves and the elves of Greenwood if we had fought that day. Thorin will most likely never forgive that choice, but at least both races are alive now."

Both Galadriel and Gandalf looked surprised at this. Galadriel murmured, "Fate cannot be denied, such as it will be. Your people yet live and the dragon is gone, so who can say that it was not the right choice in the end?"

Thranduil inclined his head gratefully to her and she nodded back. 

Saruman spoke impatiently, "That was but one threat. What other shadows would you have him be jumping at?"

Instead of taking offense, Gandalf just chuckled, "It is not the shadows, but what the shadows hide. The second one is one that this very council spoke of and dealt with."

Galadriel nodded, her distaste evident in her face, "The necromancer to the South. He was indeed nasty and it's a blessing that he is gone. And as Mithrandir points out, even though he had been gaining strength in secret, his presence alone would have poisoned the land. Now that he has gone, as well as the dragon, the land will begin to heal, although it make take a mortal lifetime for the effects to fade."

Elrond sighed, "There are ways to encourage healing and renewal. If you are amenable, I will send some people to help ease the taint."

Thranduil admitted reluctantly, "Right now, my people need the healing more. If you could spare some healers for that..."

Elrond was nodding, "I can have a squadron of healers ready when you depart. And I can send more to help with the land once your people are stronger."

Thranduil nodded, "We shall discuss arrangements after this council is over." Turning to Gandalf, he said, "You have only mentioned two. What is the third danger that stalks the Greenwood?"

Gandalf puffed on his pipe for a moment before responding, "You yourself have mentioned it. The spiders had been growing increasingly bold of late. And we all know that they are the servants of Sauron."

All present stiffened at that name. Saruman scowled ferociously, "First you speak of the ring and now you speak of the ancient enemy. We vanquished him and the ring has been lost beyond thought or memory. Why bring these subjects up now when we are finally at peace. The dragon has been slain, the dwarves returned to Erebor, and even that paltry necromancer brought down. Are you so hungry for attention that you must now meddle in things that are best left untouched?"

The elves all stiffened but Gandalf shrugged, "It is not the first time that someone has said such as me." He chuckled, "I have been called both Stormcrow and ill news before and undoubtedly will be again. But I merely speak the truth about matters that must be dealt with, no matter how much we all wish otherwise. And the reason that I speak of these dark matters is because the One Ring has been found once again."

All of them went motionless, their faces grave. Finally, it was Elrond that broke the silence, "I take it that you are sure of this. Where and how, Gandalf? It was lost with Isildur's death. And we would know if the enemy had regained his strength. The very air would cry out in distress."

Gandalf said quietly, "In order for the tale to make sense, I must start at the beginning. The quest for a homeland and the need for a burglar, a lucky number if you will, dwarves having always been superstitious about such things. For it all started in the Shire, where a humble hobbit, Belladonna Baggins, threw her lot in with dwarves who sought to reclaim their homeland from a mighty scourge."

Saruman sighed, "You speak, of course, of a halfling. Ever you have been fascinated by them, for reasons that I cannot begin to fathom."

Both Galadriel and Elrond nodded, and Elrond spoke, "Ah, yes, the Lady Hobbit. I remember her from their time here. Polite and sharp, with the mind of a scholar and great strength of heart, although she herself seemed unaware of it."

Thranduil nodded, "I have never figured out how she managed to smuggle the dwarves from my halls. But she had more courage and wit than most, and cared deeply for those she considered hers. A shame that she was never found after the battle."

Gandalf nodded gravely, "Ah, but she has returned to Erebor, after having been missing for several months. It was both a shock and a miracle to find her alive and safely returned to her."

It was Galadriel who voiced what they were all thinking, "But where had she been for all that time? And what does this have to do with the ring?"

And so Gandalf carefully spun the tale. Of their journeys after departing the Valley of Imladris, the stone giants and Goblin Town. How the hobbit lass had been separated and reunited with them, apparently no worse the wear for her little misadventure. Of the growing shadow over the company, of the company's misadventures with the spiders and elves and how the ring she had considered nothing more than a magic trinket had helped them out of tight spots. Of the company's growing irritability mixed with cheerfulness as they'd grown closer to Erebor.

He told them of her encounter with Smaug and how the dragon had taunted her with the loss and ruin of everyone she held dear. The dragon's death and the company's subsequent descent into gold sickness. And then, he spoke of that fateful morning on the battlements, the one that Thranduil had witnessed personally, the elf king verifying Gandalf's account. And then he shared about Bella's heartbreak and betrayal over that moment, how she had fought in the Battle of the Five Armies, and that moment of revelation that the trinket was not a trinket, but the One Ring.

And then he spoke of her determination to destroy the ring that had so deeply hurt her family, of her determination not to allow it to ever hurt another ever again. And then he spoke of her return to Erebor, looking like a wraith of herself, like she couldn't believe that she was actually there. And how she had explained what had happened as well as the destruction of the Ring at last.

It was, of course, Saruman that broke the silence that fell after Gandalf finished speaking, "And you believe this halfling? She mostly likely hit on the head during the battle and her wits were wandering from the wound."

Gandalf chuckled at that, "Ah, old friend, ever you doubt. I must admit, her story did seem to be a bit farfetched, but three things gave me reason to believe her tale true. One, Belladonna Baggins is the most truthful creature in all of Arda, she would never lie to those she considers friends and family. Two, did you not as well feel the change in the earth months ago, when the world suddenly felt cleaner and brighter, as if a great shadow was suddenly gone? And third, as all of you know, those who come into contact with the enemy's work is forever marked by it to those who know how to look. And she bears the taint, although it is much fainter in her than one would think after so long of an exposure." He took a slow puff of his pipe before adding nonchalantly, "Of course, I would not bring you all this news on just her word alone, worthy though it may be. I have thoroughly investigated the matter as well, although you are certainly free to investigate the matter yourself."

He sat back and watched as the table devolved into chaos as the other leaders discussed the situation, word that they had received against events that they had noticed as well, and the fact that something had happened all those months ago, that they had all felt the shift in the earth and air. Galadriel contributed little, although she did comment wryly mentally to Gandalf, "You do like to set the cat amongst the pigeons, old friend."

He had to hide a smirk as he replied silently, "Always do they call my fascination with hobbits frivolous and hobbits themselves weak. Yet hobbits really are amazing creatures. You can learn all there is to know about them in a day, and yet after a hundred years they can still surprise you. Still, I don't think that there will ever be another hobbit like Belladonna Baggins. She is a rare treasure and her like will not be seen again."

Finally the discussion died down with the decision to investigate the claims themselves, with Glorfindel to be the one to ascertain the truthfulness of whether or not the Ring had been truly destroyed at last. Once that was decided, Galadriel turned to Gandalf, her expression concerned, "What of the hobbit lass? You have not spoken of her fate, Mithrandir."

Gandalf sighed, his expression shifting from slight amusement to a weary concern. "She is still at Erebor. Thorin Oakenshield had lifted her banishment right after the battle, so there was no issues there. And her One is there in Erebor as well, in rough shape. Although most dwarves do not fade when they lose their Ones like elves do, there is a small percentage who love so wholeheartedly that they get something called the wasting. He had nearly faded completely when she returned, although he had woken from what we all believed would be his final sleep when he recognized her presence."

He sighed again, looking older and wearier than he had in an age, "She was so thin, a mere wraith of herself. I have never seen a living creature so thin. She was going on sheer nerves and willpower. Thorin writes that she and Bofur are recovering, albeit slowly. But there were such shadows in her eyes, as though she had seen and done things much too dark for a creature of the land who wants nothing more than peace and plenty. She will most likely carry that burden for the rest of her life, which is much too grim of a reminder of the ordeal that she went through. Even now, her eyes are haunted and in her heart she does not believe that this is real, but merely an illusion spun by the ring. She wishes for no one to know what she has done for all of Arda, but merely wishes to be left alone in peace."

Saruman scoffed quietly at that and Thranduil frowned ever so slightly, while both Galadriel and Elrond looked thoughtful. Finally, Elrond said, "I believe that I shall travel along with my healers to Greenwood, with your forbearance, Lord Thranduil. It would be most opportune for me to show my support of the line of Durin and the Greenwood as well. Not to mention, as Gandalf has pointed out, there are ways to ease the taint of the enemy. Even should we never speak of it, if the Lady Belladonna has truly destroyed the Ring, then she deserves all the aid that we can offer her."

Thranduil nodded, "As you please, my lord. Also, I wish to offer what aid I can. She did her best to prevent a war between elves, men, and dwarves, to prevent loss of life, at great cost to herself. For that alone, I would offer my aid. And if as Mithrandir says, the dragon was tainting my land, I owe her my thanks for that as well. So whatever you deem necessary, Lord Elrond, I shall make it so that it is so."

Galadriel rose and the rest followed suit. Elrond said quietly, "I believe that we have covered everything that Mithrandir has called us together for. Glorfindel will search out the matter of the truth of the Ring and I shall accompany Lord Thranduil back to the Greenwood in two days' time. Does anyone have aught to add?" They all shook their heads. "Then I declare this meeting adjourned. May Eru guide you and bless you."

Satisfied that things had turned out as well as he had hoped for, maybe even a little bit better, Gandalf bowed to Galadriel before excusing himself and going to seek out his bed. He had most certainly earned it, he thought with a satisfied chuckle, and it looked like he would be back on the road again soon by any account. Yes, better to get some sleep while he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we shall rejoin Bella and Dwalin in the sticky situation that they have found themselves in.
> 
> Praying for hope, peace, and love!
> 
> We are strong together!
> 
> I personally think that Gandalf is quite the storyteller. Think of all the times he wheedled and persuaded the others along the quest, lol.


	10. Every Cloud has a Silver Lining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 4th of July!

_Bella started to reply as they rounded a corner, only to snap her mouth shut as she noticed a number of dwarves lingering in the hallway. She had gradually recognized their surroundings as they had walked and this hallway was only a couple of corridors over from the Ur home. There shouldn't be anyone is this area, especially in the middle of the work day. They had taken a few more steps while she processed this and she stopped abruptly, her instincts screaming at her that something was wrong. Glancing behind, her suspicions were confirmed as she saw more dwarves moving up behind them and cutting them off. She did a quick count and came up with ten burly dwarves._

_Dwalin calmly unsheathed Grasper and Keeper and growled, "And just what do you lot think you're up to?_

A dwarf stepped forward, his face impassive although his voice held a sneer, "This doesn't concern you, captain. Run back to the Durins like a good lap dog."

When he spoke, Bella went still, recognizing the other dwarves for the threat that they were. She saw Dwalin glance at her briefly, but she ignored him. Instead, she asked tonelessly, "If it doesn't concern him, then it must concern me. What do you want?"

This caused the dwarf's expression to twist into a sneer that mimicked his tone from a moment earlier, "So, it can speak. We had wondered if you were weak in the head, the way that the company has been wrapping a protective layer around you. Now, we know the truth, you are just weak. You are nothing but a liability and a taint on Erebor's honor."

Bella asked Dwalin coolly, "Is this the way that dwarves treat females?"

Dwalin scoffed, "These aren't dwarves, these are dwarves who have become no better than orcs. That they would dare threaten a female makes them anathema. That they dare threaten you, a member of Thorin's company and a hero of Erebor simply makes them very, very dead."

The other dwarf snarled, "She is no dam, to be protected. She is nothing more than a thief and a traitor. She took the Arkenstone and gave it to our enemies. She should've been struck down in the battle and cursed, what ill sorcery she used to survive is beyond our ken. But Erebor will not be reclaimed until her taint has been cleansed from the mountain. Even if we should die in the accomplishing of this, we shall be hailed as the heroes who saved the line of Durin from the viper in their midst."

For a long moment, no one moved or made a sound, then the group of dwarves roared and moved forward. Dwalin answered with a roar of his own, the cacophony of sound echoing off the stone as he whirled to face the nearer threat, his axes whistling through the air with the force of his movement. He mowed them down ruthlessly, desperate to get back to Bella. The lass had been through enough, she didn't need assassination attempts on top of it as well.

The dwarves went down easily, obviously not prepared for his ferocity, but he didn't spare them a thought, whirling around to protect Bella from the rest of the attackers, only to freeze when he examined the scene in front of him. The rest of the dwarves were down, only Bella was still on her feet, her expression eerily icy as she stood in the middle of the hallway with Sting in one hand and what looked to be one of Fili's daggers gripped lightly in the other. She was balanced lightly on the balls of her feet, her eyes flicking around as she scanned for any further threats, her body perfectly still.

Scanning the fallen dwarves, he saw no sign of movement, so momentarily dismissed them as threats. Instead, he strode over to Bella, circling her so he could see her face. She was staring at one of the dwarves, the one who had spoken and seemed to be the self appointed leader. Before he could speak, she did, her voice emotionless, "The leader and his second are still alive, before you ask. The others were just pawns, they would know nothing of value."

Dwalin glanced over at the two dwarves she indicated and found them unconscious, neatly pinned to the ground by several daggers. Swirling his axes in a pattern designed to remove most of the blood from them, he carefully holstered them and held up his empty hands where she could see them. He had seen this before, where a person was seemingly calm but was instead walking a hair thin shred of control, their instincts in overdrive. He looked her over, but she appeared to be free of blood except for that on her weapons. He said soothingly, "Are you all right, mizimith?"

Right then, the guards rounded the corner, undoubtedly drawn by the sounds of the fight. Flicking off the blades in the same pattern she had just seen him use, she sheathed the blades and said calmly, "It's all right, Dwalin. I'm not going to lose it, if that's what you're worried about." She nodded at the other dwarves, "Not a bad response time. You'd better go and explain what happened before they decide that we, or at least I, are the ones to blame."

Dwalin growled quietly at that, looking back and forth between her and the uneasy guards. He ground out, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

She watched as he strode over to the nervous guards and start barking out orders in rapid Khuzdul, the speed with which he spoke and the words that she undoubtedly hadn't learned yet conspiring to make the conversation unintelligible to her. Tuning them mostly out, Dwalin would manage most threats before they reached her, she started taking inventory of herself, assessing her battle readiness, itching to be anywhere but where she currently was. If she had been on the road still, she'd already have been on the move, trying to get as far away from the scene as possible before their allies arrived or a fell creature of some sort smelled the blood and came looking.

A nasty thought crept through her, filling her with suspicion. Was this the start of the downward spiral, then? Where things started to turn from good into darkness? The happiness that she had been experiencing this time would only make the truth that much more bitter when it finally happened. The sound of rapid cursing caught her attention and she turned to see Nori fly around the corner, his expression furious.

His expression hardened when he took the scene in front of him. He spoke with Dwalin for the barest of moments before moving over to her side. His eyes were dark with anger and pain as he spoke, "I just found out about their plans, they kept them well hidden. Did they hurt you? Even with all of his skill, ten is a lot for Dwalin to take on alone."

She nodded to the left, which was notably gory, "Those are Dwalin's." She then turned to the right, with the three dead dwarves and the two unconscious ones that were being bound by the guards, "Those are mine."

Nori examined both areas briefly before refocusing on her, "That's not what I asked, although good for you. Are you hurt?"

Feeling a fine trembling start now that she was out of danger and in the presence of those that she trusted, Bella murmured, "I'm not seriously injured, but it might be best if I go see Oin. This could have set me back a bit."

Nori scowled but that was the moment that Dwalin chose to rejoin them. "You need to go fetch Bofur, you're the only one that has half a chance of keeping him calm. I'm taking her to the infirmary."

Nori nodded, his expression serious, "Why not take her back to their rooms?"

Dwalin grimaced, "After this pleasant little surprise, I want to check and make sure that no one snuck in while they were empty and left any little gifts there. However, her safety comes first."

Bella sighed softly but didn't protest, knowing that they wouldn't hear her anyway at this moment, too caught up in the near miss. Her shaking increasing fractionally, she stopped Nori when he turned to leave, "Wait!"

He turned back instantly, his expression concerned, "What is it, lass?"

Searching through her pockets quickly, she found a scrap of parchment and scribbled a brief note, "Tell Bofur that I'm sorry and give him this. Maybe it will help a little."

A brief flash of sadness passed over Nori's face, "You have nothing to be sorry for, little one."

She shook her head, pressing the note insistently into his palm, "Oh, I'm not sorry about this, that's for something else. I'd give you a kiss to pass onto him as well, but I think that it would be awkward for all parties concerned, not to mention that a certain miner we all know and love might be oddly jealous about it right now."

Nori chuckled at that, "Thank Mahal for small mercies, I'd rather not be skinned by Bofur over accusations of trying to steal your affections if we can avoid it. I'll bring him as soon as possible."

She rolled her eyes, "Not soon, discretely. We don't need any more wild rumors floating around. One member of the company running through Erebor like a mad dwarf already was enough for a bit, I think. Now, get going." She made a shooing motion and both Nori and Dwalin laughed at that. Nori gave her a jaunty salute and was gone.

Dwalin took her arm and guided her away from the scene, his whole body alert but calm. They wouldn't get a drop on him again.

* * *

Bella was sitting on a cot in the healing ward, watching her hands tremble and shake. She felt disconnected from her surroundings and knew distantly that she was in shock. She hadn't had a serious reaction like this in quite a while. Even while she watched, her shaking increased and she knew that it would only get worse for several minutes as her body shook and trembled while convincing itself that she was still alive.

Oin might've been concerned about it or he might not have, but right after they stepped into the infirmary, two other dwarves had come in. One of them was bleeding heavily from a training accident and the other one appeared to be cradling a broken arm from the same incident. Since she was not bleeding and relatively unharmed, she was sent to a private room to wait while Dwalin helped Oin to set the trainee guard's arm.

However, the door had barely swung shut behind them when the door opened again and Balin rushed in, his expression upset. Seeing her sitting on the cot shaking, he crossed the room in two steps and started checking her over, "I just heard, are you hurt?"

Suddenly everything that had just happened crashed over her and tears flowed down her face and the shaking increased. Balin didn't panic but gently pulled her into his arms, trying to comfort her. Feeling like a faunt again, she hid her face in his chest and wept, allowing it to all come out. She wept for several minutes before her silent sobs died away. She slowly became aware of Balin running a hand gently up and down her back, humming a soothing tune that sounded vaguely familiar.

She allowed herself to rest for a minute longer, drawing strength from his steady presence, before pulling back, shame coursing through her. She reluctantly met his gaze, only to feel her eyes widen at the paternal love and concern that she saw there. He brushed a curl carefully behind her ear and studied her face, "Are you hurt, mizimith?"

She shook her head, "I don't think so, my wrist hurts but I don't think that it's broken or anything."

He gave a sigh of relief, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead on hers. After a moment, he pulled back and smiled at her, "While that is good news, what about the rest? Those tears seemed to indicate that all is not well with you."

She fought briefly with herself whether or not to tell him, but ended up caving to the concern that she saw in his eyes. She admitted quietly, "No, I'm not all right." Moving back over to the cot, she sat and tiredly held out her hands for him to see, although the shaking had lessened greatly.

He sat next to her, his expression thoughtful, "I'm sure that it was distressing, being the target of an assassination attempt." He frowned, his expression furious, "That should've never happened in the mountain. And I'm sure that your first kill was very distressing, especially for one as gentle hearted as you."

Bella's expression twisted into a complicated smile that was wry, self deprecating, and sad all at once, "That wasn't my first kill, far from it. The first time was on the quest, when Thorin faced down Azog. It sickened me greatly, but it was heat of the moment and I didn't have time to think it through, it just happened. Then there was the battle. Now, that was a madhouse." She gave a humorless chuckle, "You know, I still can't tell you what happened that day with any clarity? I was trying so hard to just survive and I was incensed over what had happened, and that's not even taking into account the ring's influence. That battle was something that happens maybe once an age and I knew afterwards, that I would never have to face another battle like that again."

He said quietly, "You don't have to do this, Bella."

She shook her head, noting distantly that her hands had stopped shaking entirely, "No, I think that this is part of my healing process. I need to lance this and let it out. Also, I know that you won't judge me or think less of me. I know that it's hard for some dwarves to understand my aversion to fighting, it's just such a part of your identity, you've all had to struggle for survival for so long."

Balin took her hand and squeezed it gently, "Tell me, let me walk this road of healing with you."

Bella took a deep breath before finally letting out the secret that she had been hiding for months now, "My hands are covered in blood, Balin. At first, when I headed for Mordor, it was quiet, undoubtedly a remnant from the battle. But after a few weeks, that's when things started coming out of the woodwork after me."

She struggled too find the right words to convey exactly what had happened, "The ring, it didn't want to be destroyed. It called every evil thing to it's aid that it possibly could. Those first few weeks, I almost died more times than I could count. I made more mistakes that should've killed me, only by Yavanna's Grace did I survive. And after each encounter, I learned a little more, became a little harder, a little faster, a little more ruthless. My ineptitude got me injured, so I had to learn how to adapt for that, and then there were the different opponents."

A tear trailed down one cheek, then the other, but her voice was even and calm, "I learned to strike quickly, before they could surround me. There was one time that I only escaped because they started arguing amongst themselves about who would get the honor of killing me. I learned to strike accurately, because I could not do enough damage to stop them if I didn't go for the joints and vulnerable spots. And I learned to execute with a single strike because even when you think that they're down, they're not always. I nearly lost my right arm for that lesson. So I learned to strike fast, clean, and deadly. And I learned not linger, for there would only be reinforcements or another fight. To sleep lightly, to keep moving, to trust no one. All of these things I learned. And I survived and succeeded."

Balin stayed quit, seeming to know that any word would only break her at this moment.

She let out a slow sigh and looked at the floor, "I reconciled the fights and killing in my mind by the fact that it was evil creatures responding to the ring's call. That they were evil and would only attack other innocents, ones that wouldn't be able to protect themselves. And I had a mission that was bigger than me, then anyone, because all of Arda's fate hung in the balance. And I managed to complete it, to actually destroy the ring. I was injured in the resulting destruction. I was so weak that I hid, it took me weeks to be able to have the strength to travel again, but without the ring calling them most of the other creatures seemed content to leave me alone."

Balin nudged her chin up enough so that their eyes could meet, "You did what you needed to. There is no shame in it and I will never think less of you for that. In fact, I thank Mahal every day that you made it safely back to us. But that's not what bothering you, is it?"

She shook her head, "No, it's not. It was today. As soon as they surrounded us, I wasn't here in Erebor any more. I was back out there, facing the enemy. I was cold, calculating, I didn't care. I was barely even aware of Dwalin. My only goal was to eliminate them as quickly as possible. I was so close to killing them all, including Dwalin. It took all every last shred of discipline that I possessed to remember that Dwalin was a friend and that he would need to question the ringleaders. I was a hairsbreadth away from executing them."

Balin's voice was level and emotionless as he asked, "And why do these kills bother you? They attacked you with evil on their minds."

Bella looked at him sharply but there was only honest curiosity and confusion on his face. She huffed a short laugh, "Because they weren't evil. They thought that they were protecting their mountain and their king, we're willing to die for their convictions. And I didn't have to kill them. I could've disabled them like I did with the two ring leaders. Despite their big words, they were hesitant to go against their instincts to protect a dam. But I didn't even give them a chance. I heard Dwalin tell Oin that I seemed to be calm and collected, but it was all I could do not to either attack him or flee in search of a safe hide away. But if I had run, it would've taken hours if not days for my senses to return to me and let me know that I was safe."

Balin said mildly, "But you didn't hurt Dwalin and you didn't flee. And don't be so altruistic, those dwarves would've celebrated if you had died at their hands." A fierce snarl crossed his face at that thought and his fists clenched and unclenched several times before he managed to recapture his composure. "This is your home, mizimith, you should be safe here. Also, you did nothing wrong in defending yourself. Now, if you took glee in taking a life or were coldly indifferent, I would be concerned. But you needn't be afraid because you're not a monster. What you've been through? That would've traumatized anyone. To have carried an object of such unspeakable evil for so long and not be twisted? That is a feat in and of itself. And truthfully? It eases my heart to know that you will protect yourself and others, ruthlessly if need be, in defense of family and home. I am so proud of you."

Bella slumped slightly, relief coursing through her at his acceptance, his reassurance that she was not a monster like she'd feared. The sat silently for a few minutes, the quiet comfortable instead strained. Finally, she ventured softly, "Balin?"

He hummed thoughtfully, "Yes, lass?"

She absently traced her sore wrist, "Dwalin said something to me, back when I first came to the mountain."

Balin chuckled wryly, "And what, pray tell, did he have to say?"

She said, "He was telling me about how the company reacted to my absence." She hesitated before scraping up her courage and forcing herself to continue, "He said that you considered me like a daughter, that you might have wanted to adopt me, before everything happened."

Balin looked surprised by that, as if that was not what he had expected her to ask. He smoothed his beard briefly, as if trying to dredge up his own courage, "If you're asking if I consider you a daughter, the answer is yes. However, the part about wanting to adopt you before everything happened is false."

She drooped at that, but simply nodded her understanding. He chuckled, startling her, "You're so quick to jump to a conclusion, just like Dwalin. What I'm saying is that I _still_ want to adopt you. Nothing has changed in that regard for me. But, before you ask why I didn't ever say anything to you about it." He sighed, his expression turning sad, "You've been through so much, mizimith. And you've enough on your plate just healing and helping your One heal. I didn't want to place yet another expectation on you."

Bella thought that over for several moments before scooting closer to him and laying her head tiredly on his shoulder, "It would be nice to have an adad."

He hesitantly wrapped an arm around her and spoke, his voice thick with unshed tears, "Well, then, I'll get everything drawn up and handled properly."

When she didn't pull away, he relaxed slightly. She said, "Is there a ceremony or something for this?"

Balin shook his head, "No, I write up a contract declaring you the natha of my heart and my heir and present it to the king. Once he has approved it, then we sign it and we braid our hair to reflect the change. The family usually has a private celebration to welcome the new member, but that's as elaborate as it gets."

She straightened, her eyes more at peace and demeanor lighter than it had been since the whole incident started. "It's settled then. As soon as Oin checks me over, I'll head back home and get started on a celebratory dinner. That will give you enough time to draw up the contract and for Thorin to approve it."

Something sunk in and she stared at him, "Did you just say that I would be your heir? Balin, you don't have to do that!"

He said mildly, "I would like you to call me, adad, if that's agreeable with you. And why shouldn't you be my heir? You're a bright, beautiful young woman. And I'm never going to have any children, I lost my One in Erebor's fall."

Knowing the pain that she felt when she'd seen Bofur's condition, she couldn't even begin to imagine the pain that he endured. Sighing, she gave him a quick hug of apology before pulling back and propping her hands on her hips, "Very well, adad, I'll let you have your way this time, but don't think that I'll give in so easily every time."

The door opened and Dwalin and Oin entered. Dwalin had a huge grin on his face, "So you two finally got around to straightening that all out. About time." He hugged Bella gently, "Welcome to the family, iraknatha!" Releasing her, he went over and bashed his head against Balin's. Bella winced when she saw that, glad that the dwarves respected her obviously much more fragile hobbit skull. Still, she couldn't help but smile at their warm acceptance of her.

Oin grumped, "Yes, so happy for all of you. Now get out so that I can examine the lass and make sure that those idiots didn't set back months of progress."

All three of them looked startled, having forgotten why they were in the healing halls in the first place. Dwalin and Balin both obediently filed out, hugging her gently on their way by. Feeling a little more centered, a little more present in this version of events, as if another bond had formed to hold her in her proper place, she offered them a happy smile.

Once the door had closed behind the brothers, Oin moved over to her and started poking and prodding her. He said gruffly, "I truly am happy for you, lass, it's not every day that someone gets a new family to cherish. But I need to see what damage has been done and fix it before it's left untended for too long. You've been doing so well, made such progress beyond all of my hopes. It shows how strong your bond is with Bofur, both of you recovering from the very brink of death. And all this set back because of some addlepated, lack-witted..."

He muttered several more things in Khuzdul and Bella couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her. Oin was a cranky dwarf but he truly did care for those under his charge. She gently tapped his shoulder until he looked up at her so that he could read her lips. Smiling, she spoke loudly, "I don't think that they set me back. I don't feel any significant pain or damage. I think that I might've sprained my right wrist, but even that feels bearable."

His eyes narrowed as he studied her closely, looking for any signs that she was lying. Bella met his gaze openly, she had promised herself that she would do everything in her power, listen to everything that Oin insisted upon, to keep this time from twisting for as long as possible. He seemed to accept her assessment and moved over to check her wrist, gently twisting and manipulating it to assess the damage.

He grunted, "You're right, just sprained. I've got a brace that you can wear until it heals up. Now, undress."

He made her strip down to her underthings and checked her over carefully, noting approvingly that she was nowhere near as gaunt as she had first been and was even starting to approaching a normal weight, although she was still a far cry from the fair lass that they'd first met in the Shire. Satisfied that she wasn't hiding any wounds, he had her do several twists and stretches to assess her progress. Once he was satisfied that she hadn't lost any ground because of the attack, he allowed her to dress again.

He had just helped her finish lacing up the leather bracer when they heard a commotion out in the hall. They looked at each other, startled, when she heard Bofur roar, "Where is she?!"

Bella muttered, "Uh-oh, looks like Nori didn't break it right."

Someone started to speak and Bofur rolled right over them, "Where is Bella?!?!"

Grabbing Oin's arm, she pulled him over to the door and wrenched it open. Looking out, she saw a frantic looking Bofur, his eyes blazing with anger, trying to shake Dwalin by his axe harnesses. She couldn't help the wry smile that kicked up a corner of her mouth at the sight. She allowed Oin to step out into the hall, the movement catching Bofur's attention.

She leaned against the door frame and just smiled at him. Relief crossed his face and he let go of Dwalin, sprinting towards her. At the last possible moment, she pivoted so that he overshot her and entered the room. Giving the others a warning glare, she nodded and stepped back into the room, shutting the door firmly behind her.

Bofur pounced on her as soon as she turned, his hands running over her as he checked frantically for wounds. Knowing that he wouldn't hear a word that she had to say, she reached up and grabbed his braids, yanking him down into a searing kiss. He tried to pull back but she followed him, pushing up onto her toes and winding her fingers gently but firmly into his hair. It took several seconds, but he finally surrendered and crushed her to him, kissing her as if she was the very air that he needed to breathe. She melted into him, matching him in need and passion.

After a minute, he managed to gather the strength to pull back. Loosening his grip, he said softly, "Bella, I need to make sure that you're all right."

She said shortly, "I'm fine." She pulled him back into another heated kiss.

This continued for several minutes, him trying to examine her and her trying to kiss him senseless. Finally they had to part to breathe and Bofur muttered, "You're not going to let me fuss, are you?"

She smirked up at him, even though she was breathing hard, "Now you're getting it." Softening, she cupped his face, "I'm fine, really, dear heart. Oin checked me out and gave me the all clear."

Tension eased from him and he bent down and claimed her lips in a gentle kiss this time, soft and reaffirming, reassuring himself that she was really there and all right. She allowed him to control this one, trying her best to soothe him. After several moments, he pulled back and rested his forehead tenderly against hers, "I was so scared, atamanel. That they tried to hurt you, to take you from me, it makes my blood boil. You are my dearest treasure, I've lost you once, I would not survive losing you a second time."

Thinking about how close she had come to losing Bofur made her own blood boil and she captured his lips in a hot, needy kiss, begging him silently to promise her that this wasn't just some figment of her imagination. He kissed her strong and sure, like he was silently promising her that he would be her rock, her shelter, for as long as she needed. So she kissed him with passion, proving to both of them that they were both alive and safe.

The sound of loud voices outside the door caught her attention and she pulled back, breathing hard and her cheeks undoubtedly like rubies. Catching her breath, she quickly straightened both her and Bofur's appearances. Catching his hand in hers, she grinned up at him, "Come on, let's go home. I have a feast to prepare, Balin's adopting me and I need to have enough food to feed all of our family. Thankfully Bombur will probably assist as well when he finds out. And we really don't want them walking in on us kissing, they'd never let us live it down."

Pulling open the door, she walked out into the hallway where all of the others were waiting for them. Nori raised an eyebrow and she just grinned at him saucily. Weaving her fingers with Bofur's, she said brightly, "Balin's decided to adopt me, so while he handles the contract, I'm going to go put together a meal for everyone. I expect everyone to come celebrate with us. After all, it's not a celebration without my family there."

With that, she was off, a rather dazed Bofur following her. Dwalin chuckled and muttered under his breath to Nori, "As always, the dam leads and us poor dwarves are left confused and trying to catch up. She's going to lead him on a merry chase for the rest of their lives and the rest of us hopping to her tune as well."

Nori just grinned at him, "Ah, but us poor fools would not have it any other way. I suppose it's my task to go inform the others of this feast. You'd better go catch up and guard their backs until they reach their home, she's got him fair addled at the moment."

Dwalin sighed but nodded to the thief before going after the pair. He whistled happily as he walked, it was nice to have Bella home again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Bella's happy, which means teasing Bofur from his worry with kisses. They will have a more serious discussion later, but Bella insisted that kisses were the best way to handle the situation, so I bowed to her wishes.
> 
> Atamanel - Breath of all breaths
> 
> Praying for courage, love, and understanding.
> 
> We are strong together!

**Author's Note:**

> I have more written and will post it soon.


End file.
